Tag Archives: Advice

Online Dating Lies – I Confess!

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I lied in my Online Dating Profile. I admit it. Do you forgive me? Do you think I cheated to find the love of my life?

Seriously, folks, lighten up!

Online Dating Sites are – whether we want to admit or not - Internet search engines. And these search engines deliver results on basic criteria:

Woman – 38 seeking Man 40 – 49.

So is it ok to shave your age or height? Is that a lie? Don’t want to be lumped into an older category and miss out on meeting the people who can keep up with you? …

Yes – decreasing years, inches or even pounds is without a doubt a lie. And if you lead into a potential relationship with a lie – no good can come of it. But, if you simply want to broaden which search engine results return your profile, go ahead and knock off a year or two.

Let’s explore …

Say I’m a fantastic fella who just celebrated my 50th Birthday? What if for my 50th Birthday I took a bicycle tour of New England, and what if I was planning to run a marathon this spring? Would you – Ms. 38 year old seeking slightly more mature gentleman for long term relationship - not want to look at me because I just came into my golden years?

So, my darling 50 year old gentleperson, I think staying 49 for a little while longer is perfectly acceptable if your goal is to simply bypass the stinky search engines. But if you choose to tell this little white lie, be sure to fess up – immediately in email conversations.

“I know that my profile states that I’m 49. Truth be told, I’ve been 50 for a little over 6 months. I understand that you were looking for someone a tad younger, and I also understand if you don’t want to continue talking with me. I just find that to meet someone who can keep up with my active lifestyle, I need to trick the search engines a bit.”

And if you do this, be ready for the people who don’t approve to tell you what a horrible crime you’ve just commited. You aren’t meant for them anyways – they are old and stuffy in nature, and they probably don’t want to admit to their own deceptions. Believe me – they’ve lied too.

But your potential Matches – they will understand. And they will probably be relieved to share their little white lies with you as well.

Trust me – we all do it. Some of us just don’t get caught. If you come clean first, you can always ask … “So what part of your profile did you fib about?” Give the other person the forgiveness to confess up front as well.

Just don’t go overboard. I’m not giving you permission to say you are 20 pounds lighter, 10 years younger, or a 4’9″ inch gentleman with the heart of a 6’2″ inch Goliath. Those lies are unacceptable.

As for my lies, they were two-fold … I rounded up. I am – SHORT. At best, I can fill a measuring tape to 5’2 3/4″ but I have always put myself at a solid 5’3″.

And I mentioned my cat – which led my Prince Charming (PC) to think I was a cat lover when in all truth they aggravate my allergies. I had a cat because I had a house – on a ravine – where little critters liked to play. So as much as I didn’t like sneezy, watery eyes – houses on the ravine with cats don’t have Mice …

Now we have his cats – Thelma and Louise.

But what about my very own Mr. Perfect? What about my loving PC? Did he lie in his profile? Well, no – not even a little bit. Not with words, anyway.

But he did lead me to believe that he was a Major League Baseball Player in his profile. I’ll tell you about that one next time <wink>

What does everyone else think? Is it ok to tell little white lies, or am I wrong?

Loving Regards,

Heidi Lee

 

Boomers Carnival 252

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Welcome to the Boomers Carnival, Dear Friends! I’m thrilled to introduce each of you to great resources for Toad Kissers of all ages!  Meet some friends in the world of boomers, midlifers, travelers and foodies!  

Since we’re coming from a dating site today, don’t miss the story of how two long lost lovers re-connected after 60 years, over at the Midlife Crisis Queen!

SoBabyBoomer says, “Client-first” simply means that the Baby Boomer client’s financial success and well-being comes before all other considerations.  The question is: Who do you trust with your retirement nest egg?

Do you still play with your food? Would you ever base a business on it? The Accidental Locavore visits Pinch Food Design and finds it is possible to mix fun and food.

Tom Sightings has stumbled across several new sites that could prove useful to seniors, and he offers the links this week at Sightings at 60. 

And finally – we’re giving you a little bit of extra love encouragement here at Toad!

Enjoy the warm weather!

Hoping For Love – Try Soul Surgery

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Hoping for Love but feel lost? When you don’t know what you’re looking for, it makes it so much more difficult to find it!

Have you ever heard of the expression: What you focus on grows? 

Turns out, this is particularly true when it comes to dating.  If you wander into online dating without a clue of why you are there or what you hope to accomplish, you will attract a lot of toads, men who also have no idea why they are trying to find a date.

That’s why I recommend that you spend some serious time focusing on yourself, where you are in life and what your highest priorities are BEFORE you drag someone else into your life.  This may seem like common sense, but these days, common sense is NOT so common.

I know of what I speak.  When my marriage fell apart in my forties, I felt pretty disillusioned with love in general, and my ex in particular.  Part of me wanted to go out there and finally find the love of my life.  But when I was painfully honest with myself, I realized I had major doubts if love even existed in our world today.  I figured, I’m in my forties and I’ve never seen it yet.  Is it just an illusion?

Then I started my own local dating service and learned I was not alone.  Most of my clients felt the same way.  We all knew we had caught glimpses of love through various relationships, but we still wondered.  And yet we were also certain that finding love was our highest priority now.  We wanted to believe, but were not certain.

This mystery and uncertainty led me to finally call up a beau from college, a man I hadn’t spoken to in over twenty-five years!  This took some serious courage, but I was that desperate to understand how my past disillusionment with love had led me to this place.

Somehow, through a month or so of discussions with my old lover, I reached a place of emotional catharsis.  One day I woke up and just knew I was through being held back by my past shame.  I felt the great weight of my past lift and then I knew I was ready to love again!

This process I now call soul surgery.  Sometimes we need to revisit our past, mend feelings and tie up loose ends, before we are ready to move on.  Call it karma or whatever you must, but as soon as you find clarity about your past, your present goals will feel so much more focused.

A few months later I did meet the love of my life through Match.com.  He was the first man I met through my profile.  He winked, I e-mailed him back, and a few days later we spent our first date talking for ten hours!  Seven years later, we still enjoy each other completely!

Reese Witherspoon, This Means War

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Reese Witherspoon, I’m happy to say, has an action movie, This Means War,  hitting the big screen about Online Dating. In her upcoming film, she plays a Citizen of the Toad Kingdom where she juggles 2 dashing men who also happen to be …

  1. Best Friends
  2. Undercover Spies

Does it get any better?

Recently interviewed about the upcoming movie, Reese posed a question to the Toad Kingdom …

“”I have never dated two people at the same time… Is it OK for a woman to do that? I have no judgement on people who do, as long as they are honest.”

Reese, I’ll be first in line to see your movie. I’d love to thank you for using your Celebrity status to bring such a timely and important question to the Toad Kingdom.

The answer … Absolutely and without doubt! We have to kiss a few frogs to meet our Prince Charming. Just because we have dinner with Tim on Friday night doesn’t mean that we have to turn down seeing This Means War with Ryan on Saturday. Just be sure to keep each of their personal details sorted.

In the Online Dating world, you will communicate with many people by design. You will likely want to meet a handful of those people to determine if you have any chemistry – and that takes more than 1 date to make a commitment.

Thinking that you’ve found a life long commitment from an email chain is naive at best – and exploring multiple prospects is sort of an unspoken expectation that we pretend to ignore. You don’t ask – I don’t tell – capiche?

But … this dynamic does not give you carte blanche to date multiple people for extended periods in time. That is where you become  a <insert bad word here>.

One of my clients is in this very situation. Ok – so the guys aren’t International spies, but she has 2 or 3 hotties whose company she enjoys. She is in early stages of her investigation.

Needing direction in one of our weekly calls, she asked, ”Heidi Lee, I’m really starting to like this guy, and I know he feels the same about me. But I have dates lined up next week with  2 other men with whom I’ve been emailing. When is it Not OK to date multiples?”

Folks, I found my very own Prince Charming (PC) while dating multiples. When PC asked me out, I had dinner plans with a Detective and a Marketing Manager already on my calendar. But the moment I knew that PC was for me, I ended all other potential relationships.

(By the way, that moment was actually on our first date, and we’re now happily married for almost 2 years).

So rule of thumb – it’s really a gut check. I ask my client two questions,

  1. Would this great guy feel betrayed if he knew you were out with someone else, or would he simply be competitively jealous?
  2. If the tables were turned, would you feel betrayed to see him on a date with another woman?

Dear ones, the When and How to commit to dating just  one person is subjective. The important lesson I hope you take from the 3.37 minutes you spent reading is - in today’s world – you are not a tramp or any other derogatory word for filling your dance card. You are simply a woman (or man) who is smart enough to look at all options. If you can keep up, go for it. Have fun.

Reese, thanks for being a positive voice for Online Dating. Any guy who would have met you online would clearly have been very lucky.

Citizens, let’s hear from you. Do you agree with this, or am I off my rocker? Do we have to limit ourselves to just 1 at a time, or can we keep our choices open?

Warm Regards,

Heidi Lee

Get your Free Copy of my book – Click Below

How to Toad Proof your Online Dating Profile

P.S. I’m hoping for a wedding invite from the yet unmarried. I’ll keep you informed!

Online Dating Questions: When To Favorite Your Favorites

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Questions in Online Dating … From the Toad Kingdom …

“Curious to hear your thoughts on “favourite-ing” or the “-insert name here’ wants to meet you!” functions on some of the sites.” my lovely, virtual new friend recently inquired.

She continues to explain, “I don’t personally use this kind of contact initiation method. I feel it’s it’s a bit of a ‘lazy way’ (passive agressive even, maybe) to make contact. Still, I’d like to hear the expert’s take on it!”

The little known favorite feature is also one of the most misunderstood and overly abused. True and honest in purpose, this handy resource is bastardized into a stalker’s dream – and covered in Toad tracks.

But, my Dear Friends, favoriting a potential Match should be seen as a compliment when used appropriately. So, how can you tell intentions between a frog and a toad?

Remember, first and foremost, Toads Lurk … and then they infest …

Toads will view your profile many times over without ever initiating contact. Toads will show up in your recent views each day, but they will never send a wink. They will wait for you to make the first move – to wave them in towards the finish line.

However, newbies in the Toad Kingdom – as well as busy professionals – depend upon the favorite feature to help them discover and re-find interesting people they happen upon.

Newbies to the Toad Kingdom need a little leniency. Think back to when you were fresh. You felt like you were in a candy store, right? Did you put a mental note on your favorite bin of gummy worms to come back to it? After you’ve seen what else was available?

This is perfectly acceptable for the youngsters. However, I would caution the little ones of the time factor. If you favorite  someone, be sure to connect within 48 hours. Otherwise you appear to be a creepy stalker-toad. The tool works against you. If you favorite someone, reach out and flirt – as soon as you are ready. And if you decide against it, unmark him or her as soon as you decide so they don’t get the heebie jeebies from you.

Next – the busy professional – this was me. When I was surfing the Toad Kingdom, I would sneak on occasionally between meetings. If I found someone I wanted to meet, I would mark him as a favorite -  with every intention of sending a flirt, a wink or a note at my first opportunity (and within the 48 hours). I just didn’t want to rush into a poorly thought first note, and I hoped to return to the profile at my first opportunity/

My husband Prince Charming, however naive, never knew that using the favorite feature became visible to the other people. He was likely mistaken often for a Toad.

Important to note – at least on Match.com – when you favorite a prospect he or she can see that you have done so. Use this feature sparingly.

So, my Dear friend, passive-aggressive? Maybe the Toads … Keep an eye out for how long you stay in such apparent high esteem (you will – I’ve seen your pics, honey). Give them a chance to step up.

Caution, though, don’t you reach out. That is a sure-fire way to help them hide their true intentions. If you find yourself honored with the favorite feature, wait it out. A toad can’t hide his warts forever. But your Prince might just be crafting his words in courtship – totally true if seemingly corny …

Warmest Regards,

Heidi Lee

For Cakes: May your adventures in the Toad Kingdom bring humor to your writing and wisdom in knowing when to kick’em in the balls … And may you come back to me to share in a Toad Survival sisterhood …

Finding Love Online Now Recommended By Experts

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Can you find love Online? Some experts are now saying that Internet Dating may not be all that it is cracked-up to be.

Last week the Association for Psychological Science released a study that says that finding love through an algorithm may not be anymore of a sure thing than those traditional methods.

Great. Now what? You haven’t met the love of your life at the gym, in the bakery or the dreaded singles bar. Now the experts come out and tell you that your efforts online may not be any better.

Crap! Seriously?

Well, what if I told you that Online Dating is recommended by The Most Influential Expert in the History of Civilization?

That’s right, friends. Mom. Online Dating is recommended by Mom. Now how’s that for an expert?

Mom told us that chicken soup is comforting – It Is.

Mom told us that there were no monsters under the bed. There weren’t.

Mom promised that our broken hearts would heal. They do.

And now, Mom is the living example of how wonderful romance can be – found Online.

Online Dating Experts Mom & Heidi Lee

Yep. My Mom has been meeting delightful men on SeniorPeopleMeet.com and having a ball doing so. And this past weekend, PC and I had dinner with her and her handsome new beau.

Mom was radiant, and her romantic-interest is clearly smitten. And my Mom – she is a 71 year old dynamo – unbelievable lady. And her guy – funny, clever and a perfect gentleman.

The best thing though, he asked whether he was a Toad, a Frog, or her Prince Charming. I’d have to say – smart enough to wonder must make him a frog at the very least.

Go Mom!

And Go Online Dating! Friends and Citizens of the Toad Kingdom, there will always be experts in favor of it and experts against it. The important opinion, though, is yours. If it feels good and makes you happy – then do it.

As Mom would say, follow your heart, Dear. But make sure you carry cab fare just in case.

Now you know who recommended it to me. Thanks Mom!

Warm Regards,

Heidi Lee

P.S. By the way, Dental Hygienists approve as well.

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P.S. May I share something that I am celebrating? EHarmony recently published an article that was inspired by you, Dear Friends, in the Toad Kingdom.

I’d love your feedback on Creating Your Stationery …as we know posting photos within your Party Invitation.

 

Dating Rules To Prevent Heartache: If You Can’t Train A Toad, Train Yourself

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The definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Why do I mention this today? For you, my lovelorn friend. You know who you are :)

You’ve winked and emailed, and now you’ve even met a couple of times. You feel a connection to him, but you seem to be chasing that connection rather than letting it grow naturally.

He feeds you wonderful thoughts when you are together, but everything and everyone in his life seems more important than you. But … maybe if you could just get another date with him … well then, maybe …

Sitting by the phone waiting for a last minute text or call on Friday afternoon,  you sell yourself excuses that he simply has been too busy to ask you out for the weekend. And lacking any dating rules, you are all set to forgive and say yes if that phone should happen to ring.

You’ve met this same guy before … Remember, you went out with him a few times last year? He broke your heart and left you wondering what you could have done differently.

Click to See How to Train A Toad

I know, I know – not the exact same guy – but the same Toad Variety nonetheless.

Remember the guy last year who enchanted you online, and who made you swoon? You thought you were head-over-heels in love, but you couldn’t get him to commit to even seeing you two nights in the same week? Do you remember how frustrated you were, and how long you moped when he just sort of vanished from your life?

My wish for you … since you can’t train a toad … change your own behaviors. You, my friend, are strong, lovely and wonderful. You deserve to meet Prince Charming, so please stop answering the Toad Mating Calls.

Set some dating rules for yourself as you meet all of these wonderful specimens from the Toad Kingdom. Here you go; I’ll get you started …

Rule #1: I will not accept last minute invitations for Friday Nights.

Rule #2: If I don’t have plans for Friday by Wednesday, I will ask a gal pal for a Friday Night Girls’ Night Out.

Rule #3: If I meet a guy who makes me feel like I am chasing him, I will move on and accept that he is at best just a frog but perhaps even a vile, warty toad.

Rule #4 … Alrighty, citizens of the Toad Kingdom, Let’s hear what you’ve got! Give me some rules. Post them in the comments below, and help my girlfriend out!

Loving Regards,

Heidi Lee

P.S. May I share something that I am celebrating? EHarmony recently published an article that was inspired by you, Dear Friends, in the Toad Kingdom. I’d love your feedback on Creating Your Stationery … as we know posting photos within your Party Invitation.
 
 
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February Toad Of The Month

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Valentines Day Warning

Dear Citizens of the Toad Kingdom, I must give you special warning as we enter the Month of Love – February.

This is the month where this Toad finds an abundance of Hosts, and the hopelessly lovelorn fall prey to infestation.

Beware Valentines - February Toad Of The Month!

Species Name: Don Juanis Debonairus

  • Common Name: Romantic Intruder
  • Species Description: Apparent wounded soul with a poetic croak, Debonairus is sultry and emotional. He lures potential hosts with promises yet unfulfilled – committing to monogamy when initially entranced - but ultimately elusive to deep or true connection.
  • Mating Calls: Truly, Mon Cherie, how misunderstood I feel. My sensitivity is so often mistaken for romantic manipulation. All I want is to be loved, and to feel the exhilaration of loving you deeply, wholely, completely. You’ve taken my heart captive – be gentle.
  • Habitat and Distribution: Drawn to athletic fields and hockey rinks, the most dashing species is found nearby the preferred host Soccer Mom environment …
  • Distinguishing Characteristics: Commonly mistaken for a smoother frog rather than true toad, his warts cover his tongue rather than his outer flesh. The slicker touch of his skin acts as a natural aphrodisiac. Robust croaks – seeming to originate in the lower belly – actually flow naturally and without second thought.
  • Symptoms of Infestation: Lulled into a hypnotic state, victims of the Romantic Intruder fall curse to the lapping from a rolling tongue that carries a strain of warts for which no cure has been found. Immediate isolation is required when symptoms are recognized, and the victim suffers chronically when infected. Unlike the poison from Freeloader Toad that leaves a bitter anger, when the host is rescued from Debonairus, she is left with remniscent thoughts of what might have been – the effects of the poison so powerful that as a victim, one truly never admits to being infested.

Friends, I beg you … Heed my warning, and please feel free to share your own experiences with this foul little critter. We, the Citizens of the Toad Kingdom need this knowledge! (Share with your Twitter Firends too … Help them out!)

Meet more Toads … 

Warmest Regards

Heidi Lee

Want help avoiding this nasty little Toad online?

Get your Free Copy of my book – Click Below

How to Toad Proof your Online Dating Profile

P.S. I’m hoping for a wedding invite from the yet unmarried. I’ll keep you informed!

 

 

Online Dating Advice at YourTango

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Happy Saturday, dear friendonline dating advices!

I’m hanging out today over at Your Tango giving online dating advice. Would you mind visiting me over there to learn about my Three Step Wink-Management System for Match.com?

I promise to help you figure out when to wink and when to email with that cute guy that has been eyeing up your Online Dating Profile!

And I’ve got something special planned for you here next week. Tune in Tuesday for my special guest who can teach you how to Sleep Naked After 40! Tips I can’t wait to learn :)

Kind Regards,

Heidi Lee

Beat the Holiday Stress by saying Thank You

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Happy Friday to you all! As we prepare for the Thanksgiving Holiday, do you feel life getting a little more stressful? I sure do, but I think I found a way to ward of the evil spirits of stress, frustration and anxiety. If you will allow me, I’ll share.

Last night, PC took me to the grocery store to pick up a few items for my son Cole’s 16th birthday. Needless to say – Festival Foods was a madhouse filled with people shopping for their Thanksgiving Feasts.

Using my shopping cart to cover my Offensive Line, I gingerly tried to lug my orthopedic boot through the aisles. Women were yelling in their cell phones about whether to serve turkey or ham. Young children were terrorizing their parents by playing hide & seek in the produce section. Most people were hurried to jump in the shortest line – damning every person in the way. Calling the store a war zone just about captures the atmosphere.

PC ran interference for me so I could grab only the necessities for Cole’s Birthday dinner and his Turtle Cheesecake birthday cake. He unloaded my cart for me at the checkout, and he went to pull the car up to the curb. He kept me safe while I tried to survive a battle that is hard to fight with two good feet, and I only have one working for me right now.

Watching PC help me, I started to think about the sweet little things PC and I do for each other to make each day a little sunnier than the last. I would love to share an example with you, friends, with the hope that you also get the opportunity to appreciate the little things.

The best little thing that PC did for me this week was to come home. He has season tickets for the local college basketball team - a tradition he has shared with his parents for many years before he met me. It is their ritual, and Ma and Pa love being able to spend this time with their oldest son.

Wednesday night, PC went to the game while Cole and I hung out at home. I had planned to watch a favorite show, Revenge, while PC was at the game. I turned the channel to ABC at 9:00. PC came through the door just in time to hear the theme song. He rushed in and sat with me to watch the show.

When I asked PC if UW Green Bay won the basketball game, he told me he left with 5 minutes still on the clock. He likes watching Revenge with me.

“Wow”, I thought to myself. I really did find a gem, and he really does love me. I know that this was such a small gesture, but it has a huge impact. Imagine having someone think you are important enough to them that they would leave before the end of a game. Saying thank you and seeing his smile simply eased my stress away.

I believe that I often overlook those little things. I know that people in my life do those sorts of things often for me. I need to appreciate the little things more. My goal is to remember to acknowledge and thank people – whether for an intentional act of kindness or simply some spur of the moment good deed. I need to just say thank you. It goes a long way.

And friends, if you are looking for a little something special to do for your special someone, I pack lunch for PC every day. He loves it.

Warm Regards,

Heidi Lee