Top 5 Tips For Dating In An Online World: Guest Post

Online dating is becoming more mainstream. We don’t really ask anymore whether it is an acceptable way to seek love or companionship. Instead, questions come up with singles wondering what are the key things to know about how to have a positive dating experience when using the sites.

For this very reason, I reached out to my friend Sarah Fanning, an advice columnist from Lovestruck in London, England for her best advice for my friends – my Citizens of the Online DatingToad Kingdom. 

We both agreed on many of the basics with dating sites: honesty, integrity, chivalry, courtship … And Sarah was kind enough to write a guest post for us here in the Toad Kissing world. Friends, please meet the lovely and smart Ms. Sarah Fanning.

Sarah says …

Online dating has become almost a necessity in today’s fast-paced world. There are a multitude of sites to choose from that promise to match you with your soul mate. Being a traditional girl myself, I’d like to provide you five rules for traditional dating in an online world:

  1. Prepare Your Profile: Remember to ”sell” yourself when writing your profile because it is the first thing that someone sees when clicking on your name. Take a few minutes of preparation and think about what makes you who you are. List your most attractive characteristics. Do not focus on your shortcomings or flaws. This can be an extreme show of insecurity.
  2. Be Safe: There are a lot of strange people in the world who hide behind the internet. When dabbling in the cyber world, be very careful. Never give your full name or your home address. Make sure pictures you post have been cropped to cut out any identifying information such as license plate numbers or street names that may be visible in the background. Photos that include your children should never be included in an online profile.
  3. Be Honest: Most men will say that their dream woman is a Barbie doll or playboy model and women say that they want a Brad Pitt lookalike. The truth is that everyone is looking for that other person who can make them feel good about themselves and happy to be together. Focus on what characteristics of a person you are looking for, such as enjoying a good sense of humour rather than just physical attractions. Do not lie about yourself, especially your age, height, and weight. You will eventually meet this other person who may not appreciate your lack of honesty.
  4. Use Recent Photos: There is nothing worse than meeting someone who scarcely resembles the picture that they have been associating with the possible person of their dreams. If you post a photo is that is more than six months old, be sure to state that. But make sure your profile photo was taken within the last three months.
  5. Remember: Conversation is Key: Come prepared for your first conversation. Do not just talk about yourself. Ask questions that leave room for further discussion. Be sure not to make it a venting session of complaints. Show the other person that you are lively and know how to laugh at a good joke, but you are responsible and secure in your own right.

I hope you enjoy these tips from the London dating scene. Please stop over and show Sarah your appreciation at http://www.lovestruck.com/london/

About Sarah:  Sarah currently works for [Lovestruck] and completely understands the nerves that people get when they experience something new like dating online. It can be scary and intimidating but with a positive attitude, you might meet that special someone. For those who are unaware, Lovestruck is a UK online dating website.

Coming next week … my best answers to the 5 Top Reader Questions in Online Dating

xoxo

Heidi Lee

Master Toad Kisser

Author, Blogger, Online Dating Expert and Master Toad Kisser, Heidi Lee, is a 40-something professional who managed to successfully navigate the Toad Kingdom. Finding Happily-Ever-After wasn’t easy – experiences ranged from humorous, to tense and straight into frightening. However, she did it, and she developed some simple rules to help others guide their way to meeting others.

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Top 10 Online Dating Questions To Learn His Secrets Faster

Great work, ladies! You’re online dating and you’ve met Mr. Full of Possibilities through an Online Dating Site. But guess what, sweetheart? You’re eventually going to get to the dreaded Q&A session that inevitably comes from wanting to know more about Mr. Maybe The One.

Just so happens that Heidi Lee thought you may be struggling with this topic, so she reached within the Toad Kingdom and asked for my advice.

I’m Eric, and as hopefully a Frog rather than a Toad, I’m thrilled to be able to share a few pointers to help you in your journey.

First and most importantly – you don’t want questions too personal, too hard, too desperate, or how shall I say this? … well, too blunt.

However, you would also like to know what the guy is about, so you can cut him short if he’s a dud.

Be honest, ladies. How many guys have you asked about their favorite band? Dull!

More boring yet …”What do you do for a living?” Statistics show that men grow tired of answering the same-old questions on the first date, and they especially don’t like to be put into a corner about their careers.

Gals, you’re in luck. It just so happens that I AM one of those guys you might want to meet, and I’m here to share a few secrets with you.

The 10 Best Online Dating Questions To Learn His Secrets Faster

1.    What about me first caught your attention? This is a straight-forward question that will give the sincere/good guy the opportunity to shimmer in the sunlight, and the insincere/bad ones the invitation to bumble through their pre-written answers, and end up looking like a jerk. Make sure that you are talking to a real guy who has time to answer you.

2.    What is something that most women don’t understand about men? This will give you a hint, as to any past problems he’s had in relationships, as well as any unrealistic expectations or demands he tends to place on women. Let him tell you his insecurities, before finding them out yourself.

3.    What is the most exciting purchase you made this year? Mine was… Fights about finance area big deal breaker in all relationships. If you have a certain style of saving or spending money, it is probably a good idea to make sure that a guy can hang with that. Frugal partners don’t get along with spendthrifts, and vice versa. To throw him off, answer the question, before awaiting his turn.

4.    What does it take to achieve a good relationship? In other words, what are his values, goals, and interests in maintaining a close, intimate relationship? This question will also give you a hint as to his level of maturity, and what you could probably expect from a long-term relationship with him.

5.    If a relationship does not work out for you, how do you usually end it? This will tell you how much he is willing to invest in a partnership. Guys who are in it just for fun, don’t think about ending a relationship, as they have no plan of getting into one in the first place.

6.    What was your most embarrassing moment? Studies show that humor is essential in every relationship. You don’t have to be a comedian. However, it is important that you can at least laugh at yourself when the moment calls for it.

7.    What do you think is the best thing about being single? In other words, how ready is he to get off the market? It’s great to be content in bachelorhood. However, if he gushes over his lifestyle too much, he may not be willing to give it up. Just beware of this before investing any significant time.

8.    What is your idea of the perfect first date? Few questions can really get to the heart of romance within a guy more than this one. If you’re wondering if he is a ‘flowers and candlelight’ type of guy, or a ‘take you back to his apartment’ after the second drink? This is where you’ll get the first hint.

9.    Does your family live nearby? How often do you get to see them? Some partners are the family- type, and others are not. However, rarely will the two fit together in harmony, unless they both have similar ideas about what a family is. If you love your family, and want your partner to love them too; make sure he is a ‘family guy’.

10.  Can we swap tomorrow’s date for a different day? Easy going guys are the best type to have, especially for the women with kids (or planning to have them someday). It is important to know that a guy can roll with the punches, or in this case, that he can roll with a change of plans, which is frequently necessary when you have more than just two people to satisfy.

Try the questions out when you’re dreading the Q&A rounds with your would-be Prince Charmings. I can tell you for certain that a lady with interesting questions certainly catches my eye.

Happy Dating!

Eric Leech

Having grown up in a rather Y-chromosome deficient neighborhood, I spent my childhood playing house, Barbies (vs. G.I. Joe)… and the classic, Truth or Dare. Several years down the road, I attended Colorado State University where I earned four degrees in Psychology (emphasis on human sexuality), Social Sciences, English, and Theater Arts. I have since found myself putting my education to good use, writing relationship and sex advice articles for various books (Love, Lust, and Relationships (http://www.datingsite.org)), magazine columns, and dating websites (http://www.datingwebsites.org/).

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Boomers Carnival 252

Welcome to the Boomers Carnival, Dear Friends! I’m thrilled to introduce each of you to great resources for Toad Kissers of all ages!  Meet some friends in the world of boomers, midlifers, travelers and foodies!  

Since we’re coming from a dating site today, don’t miss the story of how two long lost lovers re-connected after 60 years, over at the Midlife Crisis Queen!

SoBabyBoomer says, “Client-first” simply means that the Baby Boomer client’s financial success and well-being comes before all other considerations.  The question is: Who do you trust with your retirement nest egg?

Do you still play with your food? Would you ever base a business on it? The Accidental Locavore visits Pinch Food Design and finds it is possible to mix fun and food.

Tom Sightings has stumbled across several new sites that could prove useful to seniors, and he offers the links this week at Sightings at 60

And finally – we’re giving you a little bit of extra love encouragement here at Toad!

Enjoy the warm weather!

Master Toad Kisser

Author, Blogger, Online Dating Expert and Master Toad Kisser, Heidi Lee, is a 40-something professional who managed to successfully navigate the Toad Kingdom. Finding Happily-Ever-After wasn’t easy – experiences ranged from humorous, to tense and straight into frightening. However, she did it, and she developed some simple rules to help others guide their way to meeting others.

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Hoping For Love – Try Soul Surgery

Hoping for Love but feel lost? When you don’t know what you’re looking for, it makes it so much more difficult to find it!

Have you ever heard of the expression: What you focus on grows? 

Turns out, this is particularly true when it comes to dating.  If you wander into online dating without a clue of why you are there or what you hope to accomplish, you will attract a lot of toads, men who also have no idea why they are trying to find a date.

That’s why I recommend that you spend some serious time focusing on yourself, where you are in life and what your highest priorities are BEFORE you drag someone else into your life.  This may seem like common sense, but these days, common sense is NOT so common.

I know of what I speak.  When my marriage fell apart in my forties, I felt pretty disillusioned with love in general, and my ex in particular.  Part of me wanted to go out there and finally find the love of my life.  But when I was painfully honest with myself, I realized I had major doubts if love even existed in our world today.  I figured, I’m in my forties and I’ve never seen it yet.  Is it just an illusion?

Then I started my own local dating service and learned I was not alone.  Most of my clients felt the same way.  We all knew we had caught glimpses of love through various relationships, but we still wondered.  And yet we were also certain that finding love was our highest priority now.  We wanted to believe, but were not certain.

This mystery and uncertainty led me to finally call up a beau from college, a man I hadn’t spoken to in over twenty-five years!  This took some serious courage, but I was that desperate to understand how my past disillusionment with love had led me to this place.

Somehow, through a month or so of discussions with my old lover, I reached a place of emotional catharsis.  One day I woke up and just knew I was through being held back by my past shame.  I felt the great weight of my past lift and then I knew I was ready to love again!

This process I now call soul surgery.  Sometimes we need to revisit our past, mend feelings and tie up loose ends, before we are ready to move on.  Call it karma or whatever you must, but as soon as you find clarity about your past, your present goals will feel so much more focused.

A few months later I did meet the love of my life through Match.com.  He was the first man I met through my profile.  He winked, I e-mailed him back, and a few days later we spent our first date talking for ten hours!  Seven years later, we still enjoy each other completely!

Laura Lee Carter

Laura Lee Carter, M.A. Counseling Psychology, worked as a research librarian for 25 years before leaving academe to become a master blogger, author and psychotherapist in 2005. She is best known for her blog: Midlife Crisis Queen, and she also maintains the Healthy Aging Blog and Stress Management for Writers and her Believe in Love Again blog, to promote her new book: How To Believe In Love Again: Opening To Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom.

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Confidence Boosting Foods: Toad Proof From The Inside Out

 Hi Seekers of Love, Passion and Toadless Dates:

This week I am delighted to welcome a new friend and I’m sorry to report,  fellow Toad Kisser Rosie Battista, to the Toad Kingdom.  This sassy author and speaker is passionate about building self confidence in women and no one calls it like she sees it like Rosie.  A no-nonsense body building personal trainer, Rosie proudly admits she “kicks a little ass” when it comes time to inspire sexy physical fitness in her clients.

Rosie’s website, http://SleepingNakedAfter40.com is filled with sass, nakedly truthful and straight go for the jugular fitness and nutrition advice.  Ladies, meet Rosie Battista:

confidence

Rosie Battista Age 52

People are always whining to me about all the delicious food they have to give up when they choose a healthier way to eat.

Believe me, you can get to a place where the food you once THOUGHT was delicious was in truth pretty gross.

There are super great food choices that not only taste better than the packaged crud, but will sass up your sex appeal and make you look so much younger at the same time!  Talk about a win-win-win!

The better you feel about and in your body, the more self confidence you have and the more likely you are to put your best self out there in that dreaded Toad Kingdom of online dating. If you don’t feel rockin’ hot, sexy, gorgeous and bursting with confidence, no one else will see you that way no matter how hard you try to look good.

Changing how you eat is a life style change with steady, measurable results.  You always feel younger when you are eating well and that is guaranteed self confidence.  Commit to fueling your body instead of just filling it and you will send all toads scurrying for cover.

Here are 5 top “lusty” foods known for boosting the bio-chemistry of relaxation and desire.  Plan a romantic meal with these foods and you will increase your confidence and self esteem naturally.

Each of these delicious and beautiful foods not only have a nutritional punch but a fun symbolic reference to love, confidence and intimacy.

ASPARAGUS stirs lust in men as well as women. This vegetable is a great source of potassium, fiber, vitamin B6, vitamins A and C, and thiamin and folic acid. Folic Acid is said to boost the ability to reach orgasm in both sexes. That will do wonders for anyone’s confidence.  The shape of the asparagus spear can be somewhat suggestive as well.

ALMONDS were regarded as a fertility symbol in some ancient cultures. Some say that Samson wooed Delilah with these nuts. Almonds provide vitamin E, magnesium and fiber and improve your general wellbeing. The better you feel in your body, the better you perform in every area of your life.

 AVOCADO is voluptuous and feminine in shape and size. Back in the day, the Aztec’s thought that the fruit resembled the male testicles as it hung on trees in pairs.

The avocado is a really healthy fruit filled with necessary good fat and quite helpful for enhancing hormones.

BANANAS are loaded with potassium, magnesium and B vitamins. Another great “naked” food that will help you build your healthiest, sexiest body with its nutritious value. According to some myths, Adam (as in Adam and Eve) covered himself in banana leaves.

FIGS were Cleopatra’s favorite food and they are very sexy looking in appearance and texture. Cut one open and you ‘ll see why they are synonymous for sexual organs. Here’s a simple recipe that is not only exotic and delish, it is body enhancing, weight loss promoting, confidence booster and an energy booster.

Full Figgy Salad Dressing

  • 2 figs
  • 1 banana
  • 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
  • 1 tbsp almond butter

Mix all ingredients until creamy in high powered blender (or vitamix).

SALAD, simply chop some lettuce leaves in a bowl. Slice up your asparagus spears and your avocado. Remember that if you eat processed, refined food, it will show up on your body. When you eat pure and “naked” foods like the ones listed above, the body of your dreams will show up.

Does your own self confidence need a boost?

To receive your 15 minute mini Sleeping Naked consultation, email Rosie@sleepingnakedafter40.com and tell her The Master Toad Kisser sent you!

Master Toad Kisser

Author, Blogger, Online Dating Expert and Master Toad Kisser, Heidi Lee, is a 40-something professional who managed to successfully navigate the Toad Kingdom. Finding Happily-Ever-After wasn’t easy – experiences ranged from humorous, to tense and straight into frightening. However, she did it, and she developed some simple rules to help others guide their way to meeting others.

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