Author Archives: Master Toad Kisser

About Master Toad Kisser

Author, Blogger, Online Dating Expert and Master Toad Kisser, Heidi Lee, is a 40-something professional who managed to successfully navigate the Toad Kingdom. Finding Happily-Ever-After wasn’t easy – experiences ranged from humorous, to tense and straight into frightening. However, she did it, and she developed some simple rules to help others guide their way to meeting others.

Top 5 Tips For Dating In An Online World: Guest Post

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Online dating is becoming more mainstream. We don’t really ask anymore whether it is an acceptable way to seek love or companionship. Instead, questions come up with singles wondering what are the key things to know about how to have a positive dating experience when using the sites.

For this very reason, I reached out to my friend Sarah Fanning, an advice columnist from Lovestruck in London, England for her best advice for my friends – my Citizens of the Online DatingToad Kingdom. 

We both agreed on many of the basics with dating sites: honesty, integrity, chivalry, courtship … And Sarah was kind enough to write a guest post for us here in the Toad Kissing world. Friends, please meet the lovely and smart Ms. Sarah Fanning.

Sarah says …

Online dating has become almost a necessity in today’s fast-paced world. There are a multitude of sites to choose from that promise to match you with your soul mate. Being a traditional girl myself, I’d like to provide you five rules for traditional dating in an online world:

  1. Prepare Your Profile: Remember to ”sell” yourself when writing your profile because it is the first thing that someone sees when clicking on your name. Take a few minutes of preparation and think about what makes you who you are. List your most attractive characteristics. Do not focus on your shortcomings or flaws. This can be an extreme show of insecurity.
  2. Be Safe: There are a lot of strange people in the world who hide behind the internet. When dabbling in the cyber world, be very careful. Never give your full name or your home address. Make sure pictures you post have been cropped to cut out any identifying information such as license plate numbers or street names that may be visible in the background. Photos that include your children should never be included in an online profile.
  3. Be Honest: Most men will say that their dream woman is a Barbie doll or playboy model and women say that they want a Brad Pitt lookalike. The truth is that everyone is looking for that other person who can make them feel good about themselves and happy to be together. Focus on what characteristics of a person you are looking for, such as enjoying a good sense of humour rather than just physical attractions. Do not lie about yourself, especially your age, height, and weight. You will eventually meet this other person who may not appreciate your lack of honesty.
  4. Use Recent Photos: There is nothing worse than meeting someone who scarcely resembles the picture that they have been associating with the possible person of their dreams. If you post a photo is that is more than six months old, be sure to state that. But make sure your profile photo was taken within the last three months.
  5. Remember: Conversation is Key: Come prepared for your first conversation. Do not just talk about yourself. Ask questions that leave room for further discussion. Be sure not to make it a venting session of complaints. Show the other person that you are lively and know how to laugh at a good joke, but you are responsible and secure in your own right.

I hope you enjoy these tips from the London dating scene. Please stop over and show Sarah your appreciation at http://www.lovestruck.com/london/

About Sarah:  Sarah currently works for [Lovestruck] and completely understands the nerves that people get when they experience something new like dating online. It can be scary and intimidating but with a positive attitude, you might meet that special someone. For those who are unaware, Lovestruck is a UK online dating website.

Coming next week … my best answers to the 5 Top Reader Questions in Online Dating

xoxo

Heidi Lee

Answers and Apologies

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Forgive me, my friends. The summer got away from me with both triumph and some pain. I’ve been blessed with a promotion which required quite a bit of travel. We’ve had a family member return to us, ad we’ve also experienced loss in another side of the family. However, I’m still always here and thinking of you, my friends, out navigating the Toad Kingdom. 

Thank you for continuing to send me such good questions. While I haven’t written to you in the last few weeks, I hope those of you who reached out with questions have been happily dating with some of the answers.

I am working on a special article for you – inspired by you. I’m putting together the Top 5 Reader Questions from this summer, and I’ll have it to you shortly. However, in the mean time I’d like to thank one reader in particular for keeping the hope moving forward. Ms. Cakes McCain, author of Pasta for One, is a blogger who I read nearly every day. She is talented and somewhat quirky.

I’d like to share with you what Ms. Cakes learned from reading the book I posted for your summer reading list. Please visit her at Pasta for One where she writes Settling in Singledom.

I must share with you, my dear citizens of the Toad Kingdom, she is a bit beyond the PG-13 writing that I do for you here. Caution to my more conservative friends, and encouragement to those of you who don’t mind.

With that – back to you soonest.

xoxo

Heidi Lee

My 5 Lessons From Marry Him: The Case for Settling For Mr. Good Enough … A Book Review

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Do I really need to settle for “Mr. Good Enough”? What happens if I do, and somebody better comes along?

Lori Gottlieb answers this question with candor and humor in her best seller, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.  She describes so eloquently the same message that I try share with you, my dear friends, each time I sit before my keyboard to write to you.

Her book, which is well researched and supported by personal dating “field research” details why, as women, our odds at finding “The One” slim exponentially as we age. Meanwhile, the cruel joke of the universe is that most men can find a woman to make him happy more often than not no matter his age.

Coincidentally, as I read Ms. Gottlieb’s soul-searching advice, I met a single 45 year-old-lady who could have been any one of the research examples put forth in the book. Mid-forties and never been married, she stated, “I don’t know, Heidi Lee. I tried online dating and none of the men were what I wanted. I suppose I’ve decided to wait for one of my friends to introduce me to a decent guy. I can’t seem to find any good ones on my own.”

Of course, I pulled the copy of Marry Him… that I had just finished reading out of my zebra-striped Miche bag and gifted it to her. She looked to me, offended, as if I were suggesting she should “settle,” and wrinkled her nose as she begrudgingly accepted my offer.

I immediately realized the perceived offense, so I offered her the five lessons I took from Ms. Gottlieb to show her the true spirit of the message. I also pointed out that, now as a happily married woman about to celebrate her second anniversary, so much of the book was relevant to helping me preserve my very own brand of happiness.

Lori Gottlieb interviews professional matchmakers, sociologists, dating coaches, and both married and single women of all ages who are looking for the key not only to finding a man to marry but to finding a man she’ll be glad she married 20 years later. And believe me, I listened to every story, taking a nugget away from each.

My Top 5 Lessons From Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough:

1.       Don’t wait. Love doesn’t happen based on your timeline, so don’t turn it down when it follows its own schedule. You may not get a second chance.

2.       Appreciate the qualities your date has rather than dwelling on those he doesn’t. You might come to find that the qualities you think you want don’t really matter to sustaining a happy relationship. After all, does being two inches shorter in height than your dream guy mean he won’t be good with your kids?

3.       Realize that love is a noun as well as a verb – brilliant insight from the Indian culture of arranged marriage. Love as a noun is that tingly sensation and flighty feeling we get in our beginnings. Love as a verb – action – is appreciating and respecting your match to grow in love.

4.       Recognize how lucky you are if your man is “just an 8”. Suppose he’s nearly perfect because he remembers that your childhood pet rabbit Gertrude was named after your favorite Aunt, but because he doesn’t yet understand your passion for Indie Film Festivals or antique pottery, he loses perfection points. The older we get the better that same “8” from our younger years start to look. Yet we may have sought greener pastures because we didn’t share his obsession with his vintage beer bottle collection that his new wife trained him to keep in the garage? Do you see the folly?

5.      Settling for Mr. Good Enough doesn’t mean settling. It means finding a person with whom you can be happy – but don’t take my word for it. Look to the expert: Gottlieb is spot-on accurate, and made me laugh throughout her entire journey.

Gottlieb’s book is a must-read. She taught me how lucky I was to meet and marry my perfect “8” just as I rounded the corner to 40 (that’s age, not bra size, gals).

http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/0525951512

June Toad of the Month

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Over 35 and still single, ladies? Or worried that you will be?

(Fellas, this Toad Warning is for you, too!)

Now, now, my lovelies. Did you think you could escape being labeled a Toad just because of gender? Grab a mirror, sweet peas, if you resemble anything below. Tough love – but a critical lesson to learn – especially for those of you who make lists …

Online Dating is not really all that different from traditional dating except your computer is now the best friend that sets you up on blind dates. We still have the same deal breakers (non–smoker; good job; socially acceptable) but do we sometimes mistake the list of deal breakers with a list of features we’d like to see in a perfect world? If your answer is yes, congratulations – you are this month’s Toad. If not, read on anyway to learn how to circumvent these mistakes in the future.

Species Name: Negativius Diabolique Princessia

Common Name: Lonely Cat Lady

Species Description: Driven by lists and a biological clock, this Toad is the neediest and most clueless of all others – she thinks of herself as quite a catch during the amphibious mating season but always questioning why none of the frogs she meets ever seem to measure up. Believing herself to be of the smooth–skinned, anti–wart frog variety herself, she has difficulty understanding that frogs accept each other’s scaly exteriors rather than mistaking a minor skin irritation as a permanent wart. When frog qualities don’t match the demands on her list, she moves on to the next frog and begins identifying his problems as well.

Mating Calls: This Toad uses the art of masquerade to trap unsuspecting hosts into believing he is exactly what she’s been looking for. As a result, the similarities the host sees between Diabolique and himself cause him to quickly fall into a euphoric state but weaken his defenses. She may exclaim, “Wild Boar Hunting? I loved when granddaddy used to clean his rifle.”, or “Of course I think Hans Solo was sexy – I’d love to go to the Sci-FI convention.”

Diabolique, of course, has no interest in either. She enjoys the early novelty of mating but quickly finds fault and begins to nag when those initial false interests are introduced to her routine.

Habitat and Distribution: Online Dating Sites are ripe with Diabolique types. These Toads also frequent speed dating events, backyard barbecues and Happy Hours – anywhere they believe they may meet single men. She prefers the company of mated frogs to her own species, and believes she can suck the happiness from monogamous frog relationships by monopolizing conversations about how no decent frogs are left in the pond. She mistakenly believes that by speaking these magic words in the company of happily married frogs that her own Prince Charming will magically appear. 

Distinguishing Characteristics: Diabolique’s skin changes color in a similar way to her chameleon cousin – blending into the host environment in the throes of early infatuation. When in direct sunlight, however, the Toad’s true colors show through, uncovering the truth that she doesn’t blend into the Host’s environment; instead she’s trying to change him into a more acceptable mate. She becomes negative, pushy and overbearing, attempting to force the host to morph into a mythological, undiscovered variety of “Perfectia Froggius” she remembers from folklore and fairy tales.

Symptoms of Infestation: Pride in having found the perfect mate is slowly replaced with feelings of inadequacy. Hosts for this Toad experience uncontrollable urges to cling to Diabolique, and the host becomes inexplicably generous to appease the fear of loss hebegins to feel even while still in the presence of the Toad. Host’s wallet empties as quickly as his self–esteem plummets, and the host is left heartbroken and devastated. However, the host in this situation can recover quickly, primed to meet the frog he is meant to marry.

Meanwhile, Negativius Diabolique Princessia Toad likely grows old alone, and is eventually eaten by her cats.

Meet the other Toads …

Enjoy the first chapter of my upcoming memoir, The Art of Toad Kissing, to learn about how I kissed the toads so you won’t have to.

 

5 Summer Self Improvement Tips For Single Ladies

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Being single couldn’t feel worse right about now. We’re heading straight into Couple-Season where the happily-attached seem to flaunt their abundance of love and joy on every park bench and around every corner. It’s a single girl’s nightmare, but what makes it worse is when it shows on your face.

Courtesy of AmandaLouise

I remember those feelings of dread before I met my own Prince Charming – the beach parties and the barbeques. Even worse – the wedding RSVP addressed to Heidi Lee with an empty space where my +1 should have been. But eventually I learned that those anxiety-packed events were actually opportunities to improve myself.

Now, now dear ones, I know – having a date for Cousin Alice’s wedding is more exciting then some stinking self-improvement ritual. But what if I were to tell you that a few fun self-improvement tactics will get you more summer dates? It’s sort of a bonus idea.

Remember, when you feel good and show confidence, you become more attractive – period. You’ll be amazed how many new people you will meet as a single at a friend’s barbeque simply by wearing a new shade of self-confidence. 

For my gentlemen readers – here is the point where you click away for Fantasy Stats – these tips are for ladies only …

5 Easy Summer Self-Improvement Tips For Single Ladies

  1. Get fitted: This is first tip on the list for a reason, girls. Our bodies change, and our bra size ad style from 3 years ago may not work as well with our new figure. Up a size or down – either way a properly fitted bra makes you look slimmer with the curves in the right place. Most of the Intimate stores will do the fitting free of charge, and the sales ladies are well trained on the styles for your body type. Same rules apply for your tank-inis too.
  2. Gloss up: Nothing like a perfectly tinted lip gloss with a hint of plumping action to help you feel a tad saucy. My personal favorite – Buxom Amber seems to fit almost any occasion.
  3. Get moving: Walk, jog, run – it really doesn’t matter. Being outdoors replenishes the VItamin D and freshens your skin. Double-duty tip because the exercise tightens your thighs and bum :) Just remember to wear the proper UV Protection for your skin type.
  4. Smarten up: Enroll in a summer class or workshop. Have you always wanted to learn tennis? What about painting? Hubby and I are heading to Chicago this summer for a Wine & Canvas class. Why not grab a couple of your single gal pals and  think of your own outing? At the very least, the experience will give you an interesting conversation topic for summer dates. Best case scenario – your future Prince Charming just happened to ignore my above request that men don’t read on, and he shows up in the same class asking to be the hot chick’s study partner (that’s you, by the way ;)
  5. Go naked: Oh behave – I mean naked with your foods. Check out the colors at your local farmers markets and stock your fridge with crisp fruits and veggies. Eating fresh, naked produce not only gives you an energy boost, it adds a little color to your cheeks.

There you have it, my innocent lovelies. Not only will you survive another singles-summer, you will thrive. It’s all about attitude, ladies. When you feel good about yourself, you are in a better position to meet the man of your dreams.  And trust me – he is looking for you right now as well. So get that sourpuss face out of his way and make yourself shine this summer.

And drop back by here to let me know when you meet him. I do RSVP to wedding invites :)

Please feel free to share any tips or tricks that work for you below in the comments.

xoxo,

Heidi Lee

 

 

Online Dating For Authors Poets & Artists

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Online Dating creativity surrounded me this weekend while I was at a Writers’ Conference in the North Woods of Wisconsin. As I read from my Online Dating memoir, it seemed that every person in the room either was Online Dating, had successfully met someone through Online Dating, or had a close friend who is already – or - should be Online Dating.

Of approximately 100 writers attending the conference - each person I met had an Online Dating story. With these stories came questions – of course! Who else might they ask other than the new lady who just read a revealing confession from her Online Dating memoir?

We spoke of dating profiles, horror stories, hopes, romance … And then I introduced the authors to my very own Prince Charming (PC for short). The more we spoke, the more I learned from each of them, including how lucky I am to have such a loving hubby. And the more they wanted to know how I hooked PC.

The more I listened, the more I realized that – Online Dating Is For Artists!

Why is that, Heidi Lee? Can’t everyone benefit from the wealth of available singles in the Toad Kingdom? Is it really an exclusive club limited to the artistically inclined? I’ve never picked up a paintbrush in my life! Now you tell me if I can’t paint I can’t date?

I’m done, Heidi Lee! Seriously!!!

Ah, but there is more, Young Grasshopper … or should I contextually translate to Young Tadpole?

Think about this. Have you ever complimented someone on their weight loss? Perhaps on a smile or a witty remark? Those compliments are an artistic expression. Use that art introspectively to create your self-portrait.

Are you skilled in the joy of telling jokes? Share a punch line from your favorite joke … but don’t share the set-up.

Do you have a passion for reading or writing? If so – who are your favorite authors and why?

How about music? In Chapter 9 of my editing process, I came across the profile where Carlos stated that the music of Ennio Morricone brings tears to his eyes.

This weekend I listened to poets, short story writers, novelists – all telling stories of finding beauty in the ordinary. They spoke of finding the beauty hiding within themselves.

They spoke of art.

Now let’s bring my revalation full circle.

There is an art to giving a compliment or telling a story. Poetry is found when you see a falling leaf during an autumn walk. And beauty is all around when friends are together laughing.

That is how an Author, Poet or other Artist finds his or her inspiration. That is how I shared with my writing community how to write an Online Dating Profile.

This would be my same advice for you, my dear ones. If you are writing to find your own Prince Charming, share the Art in you.

If you love books, don’t just say, “I enjoy reading.” Rather, share your favorite author and why you love his or her writing.

Dinner and dancing more your thing? Perhaps mention your clumsy attempt at learning the Rhumba but a willingness to still step on his feet if only he sends a wink …

When you write your Online Dating Profile, find the art inside of you. Share a glimpse. Become interesting.

Keep in mind that the Toad Kingdom has over 20,000 new members joining daily. That’s some pretty stiff competition. So if you can paint a more interesting self-portrait, you will stand out above the other 20k.

What other types of artistic expression have you written about in yourself? Has anything worked better? Maybe its cooking or gardening. Let’s hear from you, sweet ones …

Questions? Just ask …

Loving Regards,

Heidi Lee

May Toad Of The Month

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Spring is in full bloom in the Toad Kingdom of Online Dating which means that Toads are dangerously multiplying and seeking potential hosts to victimize. Head my warning – this month’s vile little creature is one of the most dangerous varieties …

Ladies, Beware!

Species Name: Toadus Bloatus Beer-Guttus

  • Common Name: Dud
  • Species Description: Camouflaged with primal charm and sincerity, this Toad’s receding hairline and lack of moral fiber are hidden by strategic comb-overs. He manages to hide his lack of depth behind a protruding belly and pretends men win by not only having the most toys but the biggest guts this side of Mt. Everest.
  • Mating Calls: Raw humor and a boisterous laugh, Bloatus makes calls like “Nice rack, Babe!” or ”How about a body shot?” sound endearing to unsuspecting hosts. The bullish croaks cause giggling and blushing in susceptible prey, and Bloatus is able to seal the deal with ”Winner buys the next round!” The mating call devolves upon deeper infestation when Bloatus’s croak morphs into a bellowing belch. A beer stench lingers in the air, and he is too busy looking at Internet Porn to excuse himself.
  • Habitat and Distribution: Researchers have found varieties of Bloatus Beer-Guttus in pool halls, truck stops, chat rooms, with countless clusters lurking in porn sites disguised as free online dating sites. Finding a partner/host is a secondary goal; this Toad prefers tawdry sex without the “C” word of any kind: commitment, compassion, cunnilingus.
  • Distinguishing Characteristics: Earthy, haven’t-bathed-for-a-week scent mingled with undertones of stale ale and cheap tobacco. Other Toad varieties struggle to understand how Bloatus seems to attract potential victims, yet his unexpected success is really about his Beer-Guggus-ness: There is something completely non-threatening about this type of Toad. In fact, from certain angles he looks more like a pincushion than a man, thus rendering him a rather harmless choice.
  • Symptoms of Infestation:  Bloatus ingratiates himself quickly with a willing host – his victim unaware of the danger of entertaining the novelty of this species. Infestation occurs in the host’s external environment rather than the internal immune system. She realizes the menace from the trail of beer cans that Bloatus uses as ashtrays – and the pull-my-finger humor becomes the most intelligent household conversation. Feelings of deep humilation and anger replace her initial adoration as Bloatus burrows himself more deeply. She devotes research to discover if the Internet Porn Computer Virus is more hazardous than the potential salmonella left from the Toad’s lack of attention to hygeine.  If left untreated, infestation may require a team of professional exterminators to rid the environment not only of Bloatus, but also his flatulent Knot of Toads* who replace the host’s dining room furniture with folding card tables and lawn chairs.

*A group of Toads is referred to as a Knot where as a group of Frogs is known as a Colony … interesting that Toads are tangled messes but frogs become a community …

Meet the other Toads …

Enjoy the first chapter of my upcoming memoir, The Art of Toad Kissing, to learn about how I kissed the toads so you won’t have to.

Extreme Profile Maker For Men LMAO!

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A different kind of Extreme Profile Makeover! How’s this for getting creative with a Party Invitation?

I have to admit – this is creativity at its finest. Any of my readers want to take a bite out of this little froggy?

I’d love to see somebody actually use the 5 Steps to Toad-Proofing and Online Dating Profile like this … Hmmm … Do I hear a CONTEST in the works? Stay tuned …

Online Dating Bootcamp Extreme Profile Makeover II

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Extreme Profile Makeover Unveiling! I do hope you all enjoy, and feel free to ask me any questions you may have about your own profile …

Recap: Our dear friend Ms. Dyna had an upbeat, young profile that was attracting the younger, less mature Toads – let’s just say Tadpoles. She is ~40 years old and wants an energetic partner with whom she can explore the Eurpoean Continent and all of its beauties. But with the adventurous spirit, she also needs maturity and depth.

To attract this type of partner, she needs to write to him – not to his son. The biggest challenges with her initial profile include:

  1. Heavily weighted with younger humor: Being funny is different than being witty, and and too much humor from a woman is a turn off for a man
  2. Minimal content around true hobbies and interests: She asks for someone with like interests, but she lists her interests as superhuman feats. Too distracting to know what she really wants.
  3. Too heavy of a Pet warning – While I normally say to leave the pets out of the essay, Dyna is an exception. Her puppy addiction is extreme, so it needed to be addressed. We left in just a hint of the furry friends, but we put the strong emphasis back onto the gorgeous lady.

Let’s see if we can give her a bit of sophistication while maintaining her youthful glow. We won’t lose all of her elements of Marvel Comics – that is simply a true part of who she is.

The New and Improved DynaMo

Edgy Canadian Secret Agent masquerading as an unassuming, Italian village-dwelling dog lover. Loves all things sweet in contrast to the salty wit and humor that comes from a love of writing. And while my perfect ideal Match may be a mad-scientist striving for the greater good for all humanity, I’d also like to meet a few simple Super-Heroes or Mutant à la X-Men.

Outdoor, scenic exercise like hiking and running help me maintain a healthy lifestyle on every day but Sunday. On Sunday, I celebrate “The Feast of a Canadian’s Sunday Brunch” which we Canadians hold sacred no matter what country we happen to be in. After such feasting I simply don’t have the motivation to leap tall buildings let alone run a marathon.  Perhaps a cozy couch and a good film-noir, indie, or foreign film on Sunday afternoon instead.
 
I’ve fallen in love with Italy – actually with Europe, so I ‘m not permanently ‘nailed down’ to my Italian village. I’d welcome corresponding with men in other European or other foreign regions, and I’m open to travel for the right connection. Who knows where life can take you, right?

While my quiet village is home at the moment, I also love the chaos of the big city. It fuels my energy and fascination with art and culture, and it inspires my writing. I’d love to meet someone who can cut loose at a rock concert but who would also enjoy a quiet stroll through a museum or a picnic/hike in the country. 

Last little note – My English Setters may shed their fur all over your trousers so I do keep a lint brush close by. The right man for me will appreciate that my dogs act as my wonderfully loyal confidantes – a necessity for any secret agent worth her weight in salt.

My question for you, if I were to offer to be your sidekick, which Super Hero would you be and why?

We’ve actually taken Dyna’s personality and heightened it by understanding how she lives her life. We’ve created an Invitation for her many suitors, and included all of the party details necessary to know if it is one that her Prince Charming might enjoy.

She also updated her photos to be flirty and trusting with just a hint of intrigue. She removed photos with sunglasses and she added in a few charming smiles.

So what does everyone think? Will she knock those Toads out of the way to make way for a few nice guys? Let’s hear from you and show her a little support! If we are nice enough, perhaps she’ll give us an update every so often!

Tell us what you think :)

Online Dating Coupon For Match.com

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Online Dating Coupon? Really? Cool!

If you’ve been sitting on the fence about whether to jump into Online Dating, I haven’t seen a better time than today. It seems that the Online Dating Giant, Match.com is offering 2 new coupons to help you dive right in.

CouponBuzz is the host to coupon codes for 20% off from your Match Subscription and another for posting a free online dating profile.

Keep in mind should you use the free profile coupon that your access to other members on the site will be limited. To get the most out of the sites, you do need a paid membership and a well-written profile.

So for all of my extreme-couponers, bargain shoppers or simply for my dear friends who have otherwise been afraid to commit to Online Dating – Go For It!

And thank you, Match.com!

Click here to use the coupons!

SOURCE: CouponBuzz.com