I lied in my Online Dating Profile. I admit it. Do you forgive me? Do you think I cheated to find the love of my life?
Seriously, folks, lighten up!
Online Dating Sites are – whether we want to admit or not - Internet search engines. And these search engines deliver results on basic criteria:
Woman – 38 seeking Man 40 – 49.
So is it ok to shave your age or height? Is that a lie? Don’t want to be lumped into an older category and miss out on meeting the people who can keep up with you? …
Yes – decreasing years, inches or even pounds is without a doubt a lie. And if you lead into a potential relationship with a lie – no good can come of it. But, if you simply want to broaden which search engine results return your profile, go ahead and knock off a year or two.
Let’s explore …
Say I’m a fantastic fella who just celebrated my 50th Birthday? What if for my 50th Birthday I took a bicycle tour of New England, and what if I was planning to run a marathon this spring? Would you – Ms. 38 year old seeking slightly more mature gentleman for long term relationship - not want to look at me because I just came into my golden years?
So, my darling 50 year old gentleperson, I think staying 49 for a little while longer is perfectly acceptable if your goal is to simply bypass the stinky search engines. But if you choose to tell this little white lie, be sure to fess up – immediately in email conversations.
“I know that my profile states that I’m 49. Truth be told, I’ve been 50 for a little over 6 months. I understand that you were looking for someone a tad younger, and I also understand if you don’t want to continue talking with me. I just find that to meet someone who can keep up with my active lifestyle, I need to trick the search engines a bit.”
And if you do this, be ready for the people who don’t approve to tell you what a horrible crime you’ve just commited. You aren’t meant for them anyways – they are old and stuffy in nature, and they probably don’t want to admit to their own deceptions. Believe me – they’ve lied too.
But your potential Matches – they will understand. And they will probably be relieved to share their little white lies with you as well.
Trust me – we all do it. Some of us just don’t get caught. If you come clean first, you can always ask … “So what part of your profile did you fib about?” Give the other person the forgiveness to confess up front as well.
Just don’t go overboard. I’m not giving you permission to say you are 20 pounds lighter, 10 years younger, or a 4’9″ inch gentleman with the heart of a 6’2″ inch Goliath. Those lies are unacceptable.
As for my lies, they were two-fold … I rounded up. I am – SHORT. At best, I can fill a measuring tape to 5’2 3/4″ but I have always put myself at a solid 5’3″.
And I mentioned my cat – which led my Prince Charming (PC) to think I was a cat lover when in all truth they aggravate my allergies. I had a cat because I had a house – on a ravine – where little critters liked to play. So as much as I didn’t like sneezy, watery eyes – houses on the ravine with cats don’t have Mice …
Now we have his cats – Thelma and Louise.
But what about my very own Mr. Perfect? What about my loving PC? Did he lie in his profile? Well, no – not even a little bit. Not with words, anyway.
But he did lead me to believe that he was a Major League Baseball Player in his profile. I’ll tell you about that one next time <wink>
What does everyone else think? Is it ok to tell little white lies, or am I wrong?
Loving Regards,
Heidi Lee
Master Toad Kisser
Author, Blogger, Online Dating Expert and Master Toad Kisser, Heidi Lee, is a 40-something professional who managed to successfully navigate the Toad Kingdom. Finding Happily-Ever-After wasn’t easy – experiences ranged from humorous, to tense and straight into frightening. However, she did it, and she developed some simple rules to help others guide their way to meeting others.
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If I were hunting up a prospective mate, a fudged entry would be quite disconcerting. Take it from a felon… honesty matters.
Ah, darling Nelle, Honesty is critical in a relationship.
Good advice to start of on a clean path … xoxo
I agree and truth be told (pardon the pun) I will never to my dying day tell anyone my real weight. Unless of course those rotten little numbers on my scale become more forgiving. And I would tell anyone right up front that I lied. It’s always important to be truthful when you are telling a lie.
I sure cosmically they cancel each other out anyway.
Kind of like eating celery to cancel out calories
Thanks for the great post Heidi!
For me, authenticity and transparency right from the beginning is key, especially with online dating’s ongoing challenge of keeping it real. I would not be able to ‘attract’ someone into my life knowing my online profile had anything that wasn’t true.
Cheers!
Ande
Then, Ms. Ande, you are going to get a real kick out of a pic I share in my next post … Amazing how we can build our own fantasies around people based on our own private interpretations …
I on-line dated years ago and lied in the opposite sort of way. I figured if guys thought I was slightly less accomplished, attractive, etc., I might meet one who’d dig me for my personality and not risk disappointing them. Not sure that this was a great strategy, as I ended up in a relationship with Mr. Wrong. LOL
I also don’t lie about my age or height, but have wondered if I should. Here in LA, people assume you’re lying half the time, so they probably round my height and age down. A conundrum, I tell ya!
Love it, August! A reverse lie … I think that most of the seasoned Citizens of the Toad Kingdom understand that so much in a profile is subjective. If I see my build as Average, but I am truly Athletic and Toned, it is all about my own self awareness. But someone was going to love me in spite – And for the record, I am NoWhere Near Athletic & toned
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