Questions in Online Dating … From the Toad Kingdom …
“Curious to hear your thoughts 
on “favourite-ing” or the “-insert name here’ wants to meet you!” functions on some of the sites.” my lovely, virtual new friend recently inquired.
She continues to explain, “I don’t personally use this kind of contact initiation method. I feel it’s it’s a bit of a ‘lazy way’ (passive agressive even, maybe) to make contact. Still, I’d like to hear the expert’s take on it!”
The little known favorite feature is also one of the most misunderstood and overly abused. True and honest in purpose, this handy resource is bastardized into a stalker’s dream – and covered in Toad tracks.
But, my Dear Friends, favoriting a potential Match should be seen as a compliment when used appropriately. So, how can you tell intentions between a frog and a toad?
Remember, first and foremost, Toads Lurk … and then they infest …
Toads will view your profile many times over without ever initiating contact. Toads will show up in your recent views each day, but they will never send a wink. They will wait for you to make the first move – to wave them in towards the finish line.
However, newbies in the Toad Kingdom – as well as busy professionals – depend upon the favorite feature to help them discover and re-find interesting people they happen upon.
Newbies to the Toad Kingdom need a little leniency. Think back to when you were fresh. You felt like you were in a candy store, right? Did you put a mental note on your favorite bin of gummy worms to come back to it? After you’ve seen what else was available?
This is perfectly acceptable for the youngsters. However, I would caution the little ones of the time factor. If you favorite someone, be sure to connect within 48 hours. Otherwise you appear to be a creepy stalker-toad. The tool works against you. If you favorite someone, reach out and flirt – as soon as you are ready. And if you decide against it, unmark him or 
her as soon as you decide so they don’t get the heebie jeebies from you.
Next – the busy professional – this was me. When I was surfing the Toad Kingdom, I would sneak on occasionally between meetings. If I found someone I wanted to meet, I would mark him as a favorite - with every intention of sending a flirt, a wink or a note at my first opportunity (and within the 48 hours). I just didn’t want to rush into a poorly thought first note, and I hoped to return to the profile at my first opportunity/
My husband Prince Charming, however naive, never knew that using the favorite feature became visible to the other people. He was likely mistaken often for a Toad.
Important to note – at least on Match.com – when you favorite a prospect he or she can see that you have done so. Use this feature sparingly.
So, my Dear friend, passive-aggressive? Maybe the Toads … Keep an eye out for how long you stay in such apparent high esteem (you will – I’ve seen your pics, honey). Give them a chance to step up.
Caution, though, don’t you reach out. That is a sure-fire way to help them hide their true intentions. If you find yourself honored with the favorite feature, wait it out. A toad can’t hide his warts forever. But your Prince might just be crafting his words in courtship – totally true if seemingly corny …
Warmest Regards,
Heidi Lee
For Cakes: 
May your adventures in the Toad Kingdom bring humor to your writing and wisdom in knowing when to kick’em in the balls … And may you come back to me to share in a Toad Survival sisterhood …
Master Toad Kisser
Author, Blogger, Online Dating Expert and Master Toad Kisser, Heidi Lee, is a 40-something professional who managed to successfully navigate the Toad Kingdom. Finding Happily-Ever-After wasn’t easy – experiences ranged from humorous, to tense and straight into frightening. However, she did it, and she developed some simple rules to help others guide their way to meeting others.
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That was great!
I had never thought about favouriting being used in that way as a “time buyer” so to speak. The site I am using now, also has the “-insert name here- wants to meet you” which I am on the fence about, but your good advice is helping me be more selective and see (and not repeat) my errs of the past! thanks!
ps. I also made mention of you in a recent ‘guest post’
cheers! xo
http://disseminatedthought.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/the-dissemination-of-thought-files-a-date-for-8-with-the-cake/
LOL … Love the interview, Ms Cakes … But your host got the site wrong Clearly he wants to focus on the frogs over at a sister-site … Never Kiss A Frog Again… rather than loving The Art of Toad Kissing …I really need to do something about my identity crisis …lol
And I’m always thrilled to help.
By the way, your intelligence infused with wit is one of the reasons you may be struggling … smart chicks have to really learn extra tricks to toad-proof themselves – especially hot, smart chicks
Tx for that compliment!
Would love to hear your thoughts on “cam chats” via skype etc. I personally HATE doing this, I am uncomfortable with it, it’s distracting, (along with the feeling I don’t render so well on my cam). I would rather text or voice chat. But perhaps someone could think I am some sort of imposter with a fake profile or my photos are 10 years old! Is there any way to get out of it gracefully? I have already used the broken cam excuse. Everyone is so insistent! I guess I may have to buck-up and get with the program.
Hmmm … I had the most delightful Cam Chat back in the day with a lovely Frog. You can read about him some day
But short answer – better if you can figure out you have NO chemistry or interest before you buy a cute new shade of lip gloss for the in-person. I’m just sayin is all … LOL
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Love your blog! What a great idea. My question is if I favorite a guy (who has already favorited me) as a compliment can other members on match see who I’ve favorited? Is it redundant after a conversation has been established?
Great question Alexandra! And thanks for stopping by. The only person who can see that you’ve favorited a member is that member. Otherwise, everything you do on there is confidential. Make sense?