Warning, ladies! Should you see this Online Dating Profile out in the Toad Kingdom, run! I have it from experts that Newt clearly belongs in the Swamp!

Screen Name: The Eye of Newt

Author, Documentary Film Maker, Politician and moral leader, I’ll share my spotlight if you catch my eye!

Hot-air ballooning across the country – we would travel every state together absorbing the local culture. Our arrival would be the headlines of the week, and crowds would come out to greet us. And I’ll bring extra men along to hurl their bodies between us and the adoring fans throwing themselves at our feet.

When I’m lucky to have some down time, I’m a movie buff. I’m torn on my Favorite Movies: I have a real soft spot for Breakfast at Tiffany’s  – every time I watch it I’m inspired to run out and buy bobbles and trinkets, and I have a frequent buyers’ punch card loaded with points, ladies. Hint … Hint … My favorite How-To Movie: Hall Pass! I could sure teach Owen Wilson and his boys how to get that right.

Sound exciting? Great. Then let me add to the temptation and say that I am a firm believer in marriage – many times over.  I support the constitution of marriage, but I don’t throw stones if you’ve perhaps messed up a time or two. I’m hoping next time is a charm!

And I believe in Open Marriage … eh hem … I mean Open Communication. I realize that at my age finding a woman who has never been married will be challenging. I’m forgiving of your infidelities and trust that you will be compassionate with mine. Thank you in advance.

There’s no question that at times in my life, partially driven by the passion I feel for this country, things happend in my life that were not appropriate. I’m a giver – that’s me. And in the name of what I hold dear, I may mess up a few times in our path to love. But I’m just a guy … a guy with a heart … and a guy with an even bigger Tiffany’s credit limit.

Like what you see? Send me a note. Tell me where you would like to go first, and I’ll personally fill that balloon with hot air.