Monthly Archives: January 2012

February Toad Of The Month

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Valentines Day Warning

Dear Citizens of the Toad Kingdom, I must give you special warning as we enter the Month of Love – February.

This is the month where this Toad finds an abundance of Hosts, and the hopelessly lovelorn fall prey to infestation.

Beware Valentines - February Toad Of The Month!

Species Name: Don Juanis Debonairus

  • Common Name: Romantic Intruder
  • Species Description: Apparent wounded soul with a poetic croak, Debonairus is sultry and emotional. He lures potential hosts with promises yet unfulfilled – committing to monogamy when initially entranced - but ultimately elusive to deep or true connection.
  • Mating Calls: Truly, Mon Cherie, how misunderstood I feel. My sensitivity is so often mistaken for romantic manipulation. All I want is to be loved, and to feel the exhilaration of loving you deeply, wholely, completely. You’ve taken my heart captive – be gentle.
  • Habitat and Distribution: Drawn to athletic fields and hockey rinks, the most dashing species is found nearby the preferred host Soccer Mom environment …
  • Distinguishing Characteristics: Commonly mistaken for a smoother frog rather than true toad, his warts cover his tongue rather than his outer flesh. The slicker touch of his skin acts as a natural aphrodisiac. Robust croaks – seeming to originate in the lower belly – actually flow naturally and without second thought.
  • Symptoms of Infestation: Lulled into a hypnotic state, victims of the Romantic Intruder fall curse to the lapping from a rolling tongue that carries a strain of warts for which no cure has been found. Immediate isolation is required when symptoms are recognized, and the victim suffers chronically when infected. Unlike the poison from Freeloader Toad that leaves a bitter anger, when the host is rescued from Debonairus, she is left with remniscent thoughts of what might have been – the effects of the poison so powerful that as a victim, one truly never admits to being infested.

Friends, I beg you … Heed my warning, and please feel free to share your own experiences with this foul little critter. We, the Citizens of the Toad Kingdom need this knowledge! (Share with your Twitter Firends too … Help them out!)

Meet more Toads … 

Warmest Regards

Heidi Lee

Want help avoiding this nasty little Toad online?

Get your Free Copy of my book – Click Below

How to Toad Proof your Online Dating Profile

P.S. I’m hoping for a wedding invite from the yet unmarried. I’ll keep you informed!

 

 

Online Dating Trap – Email Enchantment

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Online Dating? Have you been emailing with a wonderful man on that Online Dating Site this week?

Are you particularly drawn in by the conversation? Think you may have just met the man of your dreams?

Hold on, dear friend, you haven’t even met this person yet.

Give me the next 2.37 minutes of your day to let me warn you about Email Enchantment – a very dangerous Toad Trap that exposes your weaknesses – disarming you with your own charms.

Email is the perfect exchange for casual conversation to help you get to know your potential suitors. A few exchanges can show you enough about the other person to decide if you want to move to the next step – a cup of coffee.

However, email very easily becomes intimate and revealing. I’m the first to admit guilt in this one – I’ve done it. I’ve opened up in email and said too much about my hopes and dreams.  I mistook the email exchange for a true romantic connection.

January Toad

When someone on the other end of the World Wide Web encourages us with phrases like; I understand … or, That must have been so hard for you … we are inspired to open our hearts and continue sharing.

And the Toad continues to encourage with If only we were together now I would pull you into my arms …

Now you’re hooked, right? And ready to give this person your world without another thought.

Dear one, this is very dangerous. At the very least, you will likely be disappointed when the man can not live up to the fantasy image you’ve created. Worst case, though … that nasty Toad heard your Mating Call. You are at risk now for Toad Infestation …

Do you see the trap?

When we reveal too much in an email – without knowing the other person – we are really only speaking to ourselves. Therefore, we are really learning how to love who we have become. But – because we are hitting the Send button in our Online Dating Email Account, we are sending our vulnerabilities out into the universe.

Well, wonderful, Heidi Lee. You’re a real bundle of Joy! Thanks.

Alright, I know. I hate to crush the romance. So will you allow me to tell you how to avoid this Toad Trap?

Simple rule of thumb … If you wouldn’t say this to a stranger in the street, don’t hit the Send button.

Write it - yes. Save it to a file or a personal journal – perfect. But do not share that openess with a stranger on the Online Dating Site.

If you start to feel a connection where you are tempted to share – that is the time to move to the next step and meet at a coffee shop.

Make sense?

Friends and fellow Toad Kissers, I’m curious. Have any of you already fallen into this trap while Online Dating? Would you share your story with the Toad Kingdom below?

Kind Regards,

Heidi Lee

Get your Free Copy of my book – Click Below

How to Toad Proof your Online Dating Profile

P.S. I’m hoping for a wedding invite from the yet unmarried. I’ll keep you informed!

 

 

Online Dating: Dental Hygienist Approved

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Online Dating?

This just in … Four in six dental hygienists approve online dating to improve your smile!

What’s that you say, Heidi Lee? However do you come across such a bizarre statistic?

Great question, my Dear Citizens of the Toad Kingdom.

This month, as I continue to merge my life with my Prince Charming – post marital bliss – I changed over to his dentist. And of course, all of the ladies there adore him. He has the best smile.

When I went in for my cleaning, I was the big news. My newly married 46 year old man had been charming the toothbrushes from these ladies for over a decade. One of the ladies got up the nerve to ask me … “Heidi Lee, How did you hook him?”

When I replied that I met my wonderful Prince through Online Dating, the stories started to roll – the ladies became the big news. I think we actually did more gabbing than cleaning, but I learned that of these wonderful hygienists – 4 out of 6 were Citizens of the Toad Kingdom. And the best news is the stats for these four citizens …

Check this Out!

  • 2 of the 4 married from an Online Relationship. 50% Married Prince Charming
  • 1 of the 4 is engaged from and Online Relationship. 25% About to Marry Prince Charming
  • 1 of the 4 still in the Toad Kingdom and regaling the others with her stories. 25% that we can live vicariously through

How is that for a testimonial? The best thing about it – married, engaged or single – we all had beaming smiles by the end of my visit.

Loving Regards and Giant Smiles,

Heidi Lee

Get your Free Copy of my book – Click Below

How to Toad Proof your Online Dating Profile

PS … I’m hoping for a wedding invite from the yet unmarried. I’ll keep you informed!

Online Dating Profile: Celebrity Toad Newt Gingrich

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Warning, ladies! Should you see this Online Dating Profile out in the Toad Kingdom, run! I have it from experts that Newt clearly belongs in the Swamp!

Screen Name: The Eye of Newt

Author, Documentary Film Maker, Politician and moral leader, I’ll share my spotlight if you catch my eye!

Hot-air ballooning across the country – we would travel every state together absorbing the local culture. Our arrival would be the headlines of the week, and crowds would come out to greet us. And I’ll bring extra men along to hurl their bodies between us and the adoring fans throwing themselves at our feet.

When I’m lucky to have some down time, I’m a movie buff. I’m torn on my Favorite Movies: I have a real soft spot for Breakfast at Tiffany’s  – every time I watch it I’m inspired to run out and buy bobbles and trinkets, and I have a frequent buyers’ punch card loaded with points, ladies. Hint … Hint … My favorite How-To Movie: Hall Pass! I could sure teach Owen Wilson and his boys how to get that right.

Sound exciting? Great. Then let me add to the temptation and say that I am a firm believer in marriage – many times over.  I support the constitution of marriage, but I don’t throw stones if you’ve perhaps messed up a time or two. I’m hoping next time is a charm!

And I believe in Open Marriage … eh hem … I mean Open Communication. I realize that at my age finding a woman who has never been married will be challenging. I’m forgiving of your infidelities and trust that you will be compassionate with mine. Thank you in advance.

There’s no question that at times in my life, partially driven by the passion I feel for this country, things happend in my life that were not appropriate. I’m a giver – that’s me. And in the name of what I hold dear, I may mess up a few times in our path to love. But I’m just a guy … a guy with a heart … and a guy with an even bigger Tiffany’s credit limit.

Like what you see? Send me a note. Tell me where you would like to go first, and I’ll personally fill that balloon with hot air.

Confidence Boosting Foods: Toad Proof From The Inside Out

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 Hi Seekers of Love, Passion and Toadless Dates:

This week I am delighted to welcome a new friend and I’m sorry to report,  fellow Toad Kisser Rosie Battista, to the Toad Kingdom.  This sassy author and speaker is passionate about building self confidence in women and no one calls it like she sees it like Rosie.  A no-nonsense body building personal trainer, Rosie proudly admits she “kicks a little ass” when it comes time to inspire sexy physical fitness in her clients.

Rosie’s website, http://SleepingNakedAfter40.com is filled with sass, nakedly truthful and straight go for the jugular fitness and nutrition advice.  Ladies, meet Rosie Battista:

confidence

Rosie Battista Age 52

People are always whining to me about all the delicious food they have to give up when they choose a healthier way to eat.

Believe me, you can get to a place where the food you once THOUGHT was delicious was in truth pretty gross.

There are super great food choices that not only taste better than the packaged crud, but will sass up your sex appeal and make you look so much younger at the same time!  Talk about a win-win-win!

The better you feel about and in your body, the more self confidence you have and the more likely you are to put your best self out there in that dreaded Toad Kingdom of online dating. If you don’t feel rockin’ hot, sexy, gorgeous and bursting with confidence, no one else will see you that way no matter how hard you try to look good.

Changing how you eat is a life style change with steady, measurable results.  You always feel younger when you are eating well and that is guaranteed self confidence.  Commit to fueling your body instead of just filling it and you will send all toads scurrying for cover.

Here are 5 top “lusty” foods known for boosting the bio-chemistry of relaxation and desire.  Plan a romantic meal with these foods and you will increase your confidence and self esteem naturally.

Each of these delicious and beautiful foods not only have a nutritional punch but a fun symbolic reference to love, confidence and intimacy.

ASPARAGUS stirs lust in men as well as women. This vegetable is a great source of potassium, fiber, vitamin B6, vitamins A and C, and thiamin and folic acid. Folic Acid is said to boost the ability to reach orgasm in both sexes. That will do wonders for anyone’s confidence.  The shape of the asparagus spear can be somewhat suggestive as well.

ALMONDS were regarded as a fertility symbol in some ancient cultures. Some say that Samson wooed Delilah with these nuts. Almonds provide vitamin E, magnesium and fiber and improve your general wellbeing. The better you feel in your body, the better you perform in every area of your life.

 AVOCADO is voluptuous and feminine in shape and size. Back in the day, the Aztec’s thought that the fruit resembled the male testicles as it hung on trees in pairs.

The avocado is a really healthy fruit filled with necessary good fat and quite helpful for enhancing hormones.

BANANAS are loaded with potassium, magnesium and B vitamins. Another great “naked” food that will help you build your healthiest, sexiest body with its nutritious value. According to some myths, Adam (as in Adam and Eve) covered himself in banana leaves.

FIGS were Cleopatra’s favorite food and they are very sexy looking in appearance and texture. Cut one open and you ‘ll see why they are synonymous for sexual organs. Here’s a simple recipe that is not only exotic and delish, it is body enhancing, weight loss promoting, confidence booster and an energy booster.

Full Figgy Salad Dressing

  • 2 figs
  • 1 banana
  • 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
  • 1 tbsp almond butter

Mix all ingredients until creamy in high powered blender (or vitamix).

SALAD, simply chop some lettuce leaves in a bowl. Slice up your asparagus spears and your avocado. Remember that if you eat processed, refined food, it will show up on your body. When you eat pure and “naked” foods like the ones listed above, the body of your dreams will show up.

Does your own self confidence need a boost?

To receive your 15 minute mini Sleeping Naked consultation, email Rosie@sleepingnakedafter40.com and tell her The Master Toad Kisser sent you!

Online Dating Advice at YourTango

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Happy Saturday, dear friendonline dating advices!

I’m hanging out today over at Your Tango giving online dating advice. Would you mind visiting me over there to learn about my Three Step Wink-Management System for Match.com?

I promise to help you figure out when to wink and when to email with that cute guy that has been eyeing up your Online Dating Profile!

And I’ve got something special planned for you here next week. Tune in Tuesday for my special guest who can teach you how to Sleep Naked After 40! Tips I can’t wait to learn :)

Kind Regards,

Heidi Lee

Online Dating Horror Story: How the Toad Found Me

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Sunglasses on a man can bonline dating horror storye truly sexy, and a sultry afternoon at the beach is the perfect place to absorb yourself in the mystery of the Golden Adonis behind the dark shades, curling his toes in the sand. But an Online Dating Profile is no place to sport your latest Ray-bans. Eyes reveal honesty, soul, and yes – identity.

I lived in a relatively small town – population 70,000 when I took a giant leap into Online Dating. I also worked at one of the largest employers in the Fox Valley, which meant that introducing my photos to the Online Toad Kingdom had the potential to connect my personal dating needs to the men within my office.

Not to say that I was never guilty of dipping my pen in the company ink, but when I dated a co-worker it was by my choice and with full disclosure with each other. One morning early on in my online dating adventures, I saw photographic artistry displaying my  very own version of the Sunglass-Enhanced Golden Adonis. My heart leaped. He winked, and I winked back. With that tiny bit of encouragement, he began courting me through a string of email conversations. We spoke about sushi, wine and the performing arts. I was simply entranced.

Keep in mind, this man’s profile displayed stunning pictures of a man in his prime, and his trademark sunglasses were in every photo. I never saw his face. Although I felt a connection to Adonis, I had never revealed to him any identifying information about my true name or where I worked.  This is why the morning that I found a rose and a poem at my desk in the office I was caught so off guard.

Just as I settled in to read more, Adonis came walking towards me – the fluorescent overheads encircling him with an angelic glow that one might expect when meeting the man of her dreams. Surely I was hallucinating and living within my own fantasies – until he planted his very real,overly invasive tush right in the center of my desk .

My blood curdled as he began to remove the sunglasses. What was behind the mask, you ask? The reptilian, twitchy-eyed Accounting Guy who always seemed to accidentally brush his hand across my chest when leaning in for a closer look at the Profit & Loss statement. Icky!

“So, Heidi Lee, I’m thrilled that you’re interested. I always thought that my flirtatious mannerisms turned you off – although I certainly fantasized about a couple of rolls with you. Your emails on Catch.” he ogled on as my skin started to creep.

…And he continued, “I get it, Doll. You were  so taken by me that you had to insist on maintaining a professional distance. No worries, I can be discreet, baby. How about some sushi?”

And now, whenever I think of sushi, I feel the vein in my forehead twitching as if it may  be ready to explode.

Lesson Learned: If he’s hiding behind a mask – there is surely a reason for it. No sunglasses in photos, Please! Help us all to avoid the awkward and maybe even downright invasive.

And a special little tidbit takeaway for newer citizens of the Toad Kingdom – people on these sites are entitled to professional courtesy should worlds collide. BAD FORM to approach someone at the office whom you see on Catch.com.

Online Dating this year?

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Good morning, and again a Happy New year in the Online Dating Toad Kingdom! For all of my dear friends who choose online datingonline dating this year, I’ve promised to give you some tricks of the trade.

To learn how to distinguish a frog from a toad, visit me over at yourtango.com to read the key differences.

And remember to tell yourself – “I won’t kiss a toad today!”

That’s it, ladies…Shout this with me. “I WON’T KISS A TOAD THIS MONTH!”

Kind Regards,

Heidi Lee

January Toad of the Month

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Welcome to a Happy New Year and a Happy New You, dear ones! Part of my resolutions for 2012 included helping my dear citizens of the Toad Kingdon (online dating community) to recognize toads and to avoid warts. As part of this commitment, I promise to bring you a new specimen each month directly from my private Toad Kissing Diary - my inspiration in finding the Art of Toad Kissing.

Without further adieu, I give you the January Poster Toad. I literally wrote chapter after chapter on this gem of an amphibian… Enjoy!

Species Name: Leeching Parasitis Spongius

  • Common Name: Freeloader Toad
  • online datingSpecies Description: Likely the loudest in the pond, the Leeching Parasitis Spongius can usually be found puffing his chest to let out a deep and disturbing croak just before he orders his next beer. The Parasite species leeches onto its host and flourishes by draining the wallets and the self-respect from the host body and soul. This toad often benefits from a case of mistaken identity as early courting rituals in online dating emails and early communications may resemble the Don Juanius Debonairus, to include promises of exquisite meals and of romantic adventures. However, these characteristics act as camouflage against other predators and protectors of potential host bodies. Hosts should listen to close friends and to internal intuition. Typically these protectors echo the same message – run!
  • Mating calls: “I’ve got the check, doll – you can pay me back later <wink>”; which progresses to, “How about we split this one?”; and at full potency when you hear, ”Can you spot me a $20 til pay day?”;  or , “Babe, I need another $10 spot to win our money back on the pool table.”
  • Habitat & Distribution: Taverns, Dive-Bars, and All-You-Can-Eat Buffet style restaurants, but he is usually separated from his wallet. Gravitate towards pool and poker tables as well as dart boards, typically seen sinking the cue-ball in a high-stakes game against the larger species, Toadus Bloattus Beer Guttus.
  • Distinguishing Characteristics: Over-inflated chest may cannibalize the extensive ego as the two traits fight for primary identification status. Jeans pockets perfectly detail the backside with no distinguishing traces of a faded wallet-outline.
  • Symptoms of Infestation: Short incubation period – warts manifest early enough in the host that intuition should cause stomach pains. Begins with the heartstrings, typically pulling with stories of sorrow related to children, sickness or elderly parents draining his wallet. The venom from this toad weakens the hosts immunity to reality. As the poison seeps into the soul, the host falls into a state of rapture, confusing the attack to the bank account with an investment in her future.

I’d love to hear from you, dear friends. Anybody else ever date this toad? Please tell me I’m not alone…Unload your stories below in the name of Toad-Proofing our New Year!

Meet more Toads … 

My loving regards,

Heidi Lee

 

Online Dating: 10 New Year Resolutions

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Toad Kissing New Year’s Resolutions: Promises to help you Never Kiss a Toad Again! Ladies, repeat after me…

In 2012 I will:

  1. Learn to tell the difference between kissing a frog and kissing a toad.
  2. Toad-Proof my Online Dating Profile.
  3. Understand that while I may kiss a couple of frogs this year, I’m going to stay away from the wart-infested toad variety.
  4. Recognize the mating call of the toad so that I stop answering.
  5. Join a Toad Kissing Support Group and help myself and other women avoid warts.
  6. Identify my own personal toad tendencies and work on making sure I am a princess instead of a toad.
  7. Commit to kissing one less toad this year in my search for my handsome prince.
  8. Promise not to give up on online dating and go back to drunk sloppy guy at the bar – realizing that he is and always will be a toad.
  9. Listen to my gut – or at least the guts of my girlfriends – when Toad-Warning signs show up in Neon Pink.
  10. Be true to myself, first – last – always, and not compromise my instincts in the name of Toad Kissing.

And, Dear Friends, I promise to help you! Happy New Year – Happy New You!

Loving Regards,

Heidi Lee