Religion And Its Place In Online Dating: A Reader Question

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Religion got you perplexed on Match.com or eHarmony? Need to know how to use the canned, I’ll tell you later response instead?

Is finding someone within your same religion important to you, or are you open to a mixed-faith relationship?

Consider these important questions choosing an Online Dating – the sites aren’t all the same.

My reader last week struggled with how to answer Religion in a profile that she had already purchased. I’d advise answering this question yourself Before you commit to your site of choice. Here’s why …

Dear Heidi Lee,

Now that I’ve got a mouth-watering Online Dating essay, I’m trying answer the other questions. The site asks about religion, and the options let me either declare my faith or choose an option like “I’ll tell you later.”

How do I answer this? I mean, I was raised Catholic but I’m not practicing. Is that going to turn men off? Geez – this stuff is like rocket science. Help!

Thanks in advance, Gina.

I did send Gina a private note to help her on her way, but she allowed me to share her question with you, my kindred spirits in the Toad Kingdom.

This question isn’t yet well addressed in the Mainstream Toad Kingdom. We are left dangling to figure it our for ourselves.

While Gina is Catholic, she doesn’t meet the stereotypes built in to the Mainstream. And like it or not, we all make assumptions. 

Selecting Catholic on a Mainstream site may eliminate her from  Searches where men (or women) may mistakenly assume Catholic translates to Devout. If the other person makes  the religion a deal-breaker,  this sweet girl won’t make it to his search engine.

See the challenge?

Mainstream sites are mainstream for a reason – to suit the majority. Personally, I used Mainstream because I was open to meeting people from outside of my religion – and in 2007 / 2008 the Niche sites were not as widely known.

In the Religion box, I marked Christian, but I didn’t make it a must have in my potential match. I was open to all religions whether Christian, Jewish or Buddhist.

For the record, my Prince Charming used “Spiritual but not Religious”.

I dated a Toad who happened to bea devout Catholic. He was very unhappy to meet me after an online email flirtation to find that my choice of Christian Faith was Lutheran. He simply was not open to dating a Protestant and he jumped to the assumption that Christian meant Catholic.

For my ex-Toad – who to my knowledge is still Single & Looking, I would recommend a Niche site rather than Mainstream because finding a like-minded Catholic girl was his First Priority – even if it was not clearly stated.

If dating within the Christian faith was my dealbreaker, I may have sought love on ChristianMingle.com Either way, these Niche sites serve to improve your chances at finding long-lasting love.

Gina’s question also sent me to a lovely memory from last year - a trip that I took to Napa Valley with my Prince Charming. We enjoyed a wine tasting tour with a lovely couple who met on a Muslim dating site. They simply glowed together, and I hope that they found love.

She explained to me that finding a single, Muslim man with a good job and a great heart was not easy as a successful Muslim woman in Texas – and he was willing to travel to meet someone who shared his beliefs. They used MuslimFriends.com, but I also found  ArabLounge.com for my Muslim readers.

Finally, Jewish Citizens of the Toad Kingdom may want to look at JDate.com to find stunning men and women who share their own core value system.

The great news is that there are sites for everyone from Animal Lovers to Adulterers – and everything in between. The odds of finding love increase significantly if you select a site that targets your preferred dating pool.

Loving Regards,

Heidi Lee

P.S. I’m happy to answer Questions from the Toad Kingdom. Each question gets a personal response. I may even feature it as as article (although names are only revealed with your permission)

P.S.S. I must state that this article is written to educate on real-world challenges that center around religion – based on a personal experience. That’s it. I’m not picking on anyone :)

 

Online Dating Questions: When To Favorite Your Favorites

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Questions in Online Dating … From the Toad Kingdom …

“Curious to hear your thoughts on “favourite-ing” or the “-insert name here’ wants to meet you!” functions on some of the sites.” my lovely, virtual new friend recently inquired.

She continues to explain, “I don’t personally use this kind of contact initiation method. I feel it’s it’s a bit of a ‘lazy way’ (passive agressive even, maybe) to make contact. Still, I’d like to hear the expert’s take on it!”

The little known favorite feature is also one of the most misunderstood and overly abused. True and honest in purpose, this handy resource is bastardized into a stalker’s dream – and covered in Toad tracks.

But, my Dear Friends, favoriting a potential Match should be seen as a compliment when used appropriately. So, how can you tell intentions between a frog and a toad?

Remember, first and foremost, Toads Lurk … and then they infest …

Toads will view your profile many times over without ever initiating contact. Toads will show up in your recent views each day, but they will never send a wink. They will wait for you to make the first move – to wave them in towards the finish line.

However, newbies in the Toad Kingdom – as well as busy professionals – depend upon the favorite feature to help them discover and re-find interesting people they happen upon.

Newbies to the Toad Kingdom need a little leniency. Think back to when you were fresh. You felt like you were in a candy store, right? Did you put a mental note on your favorite bin of gummy worms to come back to it? After you’ve seen what else was available?

This is perfectly acceptable for the youngsters. However, I would caution the little ones of the time factor. If you favorite  someone, be sure to connect within 48 hours. Otherwise you appear to be a creepy stalker-toad. The tool works against you. If you favorite someone, reach out and flirt – as soon as you are ready. And if you decide against it, unmark him or her as soon as you decide so they don’t get the heebie jeebies from you.

Next – the busy professional – this was me. When I was surfing the Toad Kingdom, I would sneak on occasionally between meetings. If I found someone I wanted to meet, I would mark him as a favorite -  with every intention of sending a flirt, a wink or a note at my first opportunity (and within the 48 hours). I just didn’t want to rush into a poorly thought first note, and I hoped to return to the profile at my first opportunity/

My husband Prince Charming, however naive, never knew that using the favorite feature became visible to the other people. He was likely mistaken often for a Toad.

Important to note – at least on Match.com – when you favorite a prospect he or she can see that you have done so. Use this feature sparingly.

So, my Dear friend, passive-aggressive? Maybe the Toads … Keep an eye out for how long you stay in such apparent high esteem (you will – I’ve seen your pics, honey). Give them a chance to step up.

Caution, though, don’t you reach out. That is a sure-fire way to help them hide their true intentions. If you find yourself honored with the favorite feature, wait it out. A toad can’t hide his warts forever. But your Prince might just be crafting his words in courtship – totally true if seemingly corny …

Warmest Regards,

Heidi Lee

For Cakes: May your adventures in the Toad Kingdom bring humor to your writing and wisdom in knowing when to kick’em in the balls … And may you come back to me to share in a Toad Survival sisterhood …

Writing Contest – Judging From The Toad Kingdom

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Friends and Citizens of the Toad Kingdom,

The author in me is excited to announce a Writing Competition in March for Writer’s Week – featuring Yours Truly as a Judge.

The lovely Ms. Emily Suess – freelance writer extraordinaire- hosts an opportunity for Writers to show their stuff – coming your way.

And for my friends who would look to sponsor the competition, she’s got a window open for that opportunity as well.

You may recall meeting Ms. Suess when I introduced you – through her – to the Lovely Ms. Lola … Stop by Suess’s Pieces for details. Warning – May Contain Nuts.

Stop by and visit the other judges as well – I’m not sure how they respond to brown-nosing, but it sure doesn’t hurt to try ;)

Thank you, Emily. This should be quite the Reading Adventure!

Kind Regards,

Heidi Lee

How about a sample of my writing?

Download the Free eBook now.

Finding Love Online Now Recommended By Experts

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Can you find love Online? Some experts are now saying that Internet Dating may not be all that it is cracked-up to be.

Last week the Association for Psychological Science released a study that says that finding love through an algorithm may not be anymore of a sure thing than those traditional methods.

Great. Now what? You haven’t met the love of your life at the gym, in the bakery or the dreaded singles bar. Now the experts come out and tell you that your efforts online may not be any better.

Crap! Seriously?

Well, what if I told you that Online Dating is recommended by The Most Influential Expert in the History of Civilization?

That’s right, friends. Mom. Online Dating is recommended by Mom. Now how’s that for an expert?

Mom told us that chicken soup is comforting – It Is.

Mom told us that there were no monsters under the bed. There weren’t.

Mom promised that our broken hearts would heal. They do.

And now, Mom is the living example of how wonderful romance can be – found Online.

Online Dating Experts Mom & Heidi Lee

Yep. My Mom has been meeting delightful men on SeniorPeopleMeet.com and having a ball doing so. And this past weekend, PC and I had dinner with her and her handsome new beau.

Mom was radiant, and her romantic-interest is clearly smitten. And my Mom – she is a 71 year old dynamo – unbelievable lady. And her guy – funny, clever and a perfect gentleman.

The best thing though, he asked whether he was a Toad, a Frog, or her Prince Charming. I’d have to say – smart enough to wonder must make him a frog at the very least.

Go Mom!

And Go Online Dating! Friends and Citizens of the Toad Kingdom, there will always be experts in favor of it and experts against it. The important opinion, though, is yours. If it feels good and makes you happy – then do it.

As Mom would say, follow your heart, Dear. But make sure you carry cab fare just in case.

Now you know who recommended it to me. Thanks Mom!

Warm Regards,

Heidi Lee

P.S. By the way, Dental Hygienists approve as well.

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P.S. May I share something that I am celebrating? EHarmony recently published an article that was inspired by you, Dear Friends, in the Toad Kingdom.

I’d love your feedback on Creating Your Stationery …as we know posting photos within your Party Invitation.

 

Friend Request In Online Dating? Think Again

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Social Media – friend or foe in online dating? When should you send or accept a Friend Request?

Let me put out a couple of my past situations and let you be the judge.

Oh, and here is a little game for you – have fun with it. Feel free to chastise my bad behavior as you find my many mistakes woven within. I’ve learned so much since my earliest days in the Toad Kingdom that I am happy to have you poke a little fun back. We’ll call this a learning experience in reverse – just post in the comments when you see a big No-No.

Scenario #1

Heidi Lee – new to the Toad Kingdom – was enthralled with a gentleman with whom she had been emailing for about 2 days - let’s call him Ralph.

Ralph and Heidi Lee decided that they were clearly headed for true love, and they chose to move to the telephone. Ralph asked Heidi Lee what time would be good to give her a call, and they agreed to about 9:00 PM.

Waiting eagerly by her home phone, it rang at precisely 8:59:38 PM. She was so excited she barely waited for the second chime.

Ralph and Heidi Lee talked and romanced into the late hours of the night, and even decided to swap more of their pictures through Facebook. Check out this move …

“Hey, Heidi Lee, I’m trying to friend you on Facebook. What’s the last name? I’m trying to send you a Friend Request. I’ve got some great pictures from that camping trip I was telling you about. I’d love for you to see the bear in the woods.” Ralph offered.

“Oh, Ralph, I can’t wait to see it.” she gushed. “Here’s the link.”

Friends, let’s jump ahead to the first meeting …

… On second thought, let’s jump right past it. It was simply unbearable, and I never wanted to see the creepy man again.

Follow up voicemail from Ralph went something like this …

“Heidi Lee, I love that we had so much banter and energy. Sorry about the purse situation. Can we grab dinner tomorrow night?”

I responded to Ralph’s voicemail by email letting him know that I was busy as well as not interested. However, I forgot to unfriend him. This didn’t matter, though, because I had made so many mistakes that he already knew my first and last name as well as how to find me. Crap!

Needless to say, I spent the next couple of weeks in Hell with unwanted phone calls and emails. I even suspected a drive by or 2 past my street.

Eventually, Friends, Ralph did get the hint. But why did I open myself up to such torture?

Oh, that’s right. Clearly I thought I’d met my soulmate over an email exchange.

See there – I hope you don’t feel bad if you’ve made similar mistakes. We’ve all done it.

Now let’s look at a more knowledgeable and mature Citizen within the Toad Kingdom …

Scenario 2:

“Honey, I’m home. How did the phone call go with the musicians? Did you decide on the String Quartet?”, PC asked Heidi Lee as she was putting dinner on the table.

“PC, I’m really frustrated with the wedding planning – specifically with your friends. I’ve never met any of them, and I have no idea what to do with the seating arrangements. Do you think I could reach out to Lisa in an email?”

Heidi Lee inquired with a new realization … “Sweetie, I don’t think I would even know how to get in touch with Lisa. I’ve never even friended you on Facebook. Are you on there?”

Get the picture?

Ok, so these are 2 extremes, but general guidelines do exist.

First, never friend the prospect before you’ve met and established a face-to-face level of comfort.

If you’ve met a couple of times and decided that perhaps you may have found a friendship rather than a romance (frog situation), a friend request is appropriate,

If you’re getting ready for a 3rd or 4th date and still excited about how holding his hand feels, go ahead if it feels right.

But, how awkward would you feel if you decide he simply isn’t for you? Would you want him to feel bad watching you change your Relationship Status to In A Relationship if the link went to another man’s page?

Use good judgement with your social media accounts, Dear Citizens of the Toad Kingdom. And when in doubt, ask me. You can always post a question in the comments. Or you can submit more privately. I’m happy to give a little guidance.

Kind Regards,

Heidi Lee

Not Subscribed? Click Here.

P.S. May I share something that I am celebrating? EHarmony recently published an article that was inspired by you, Dear Friends, in the Toad Kingdom.

I’d love your feedback on Creating Your Stationery …as we know posting photos within your Party Invitation.

 

 

Dating Rules To Prevent Heartache: If You Can’t Train A Toad, Train Yourself

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The definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Why do I mention this today? For you, my lovelorn friend. You know who you are :)

You’ve winked and emailed, and now you’ve even met a couple of times. You feel a connection to him, but you seem to be chasing that connection rather than letting it grow naturally.

He feeds you wonderful thoughts when you are together, but everything and everyone in his life seems more important than you. But … maybe if you could just get another date with him … well then, maybe …

Sitting by the phone waiting for a last minute text or call on Friday afternoon,  you sell yourself excuses that he simply has been too busy to ask you out for the weekend. And lacking any dating rules, you are all set to forgive and say yes if that phone should happen to ring.

You’ve met this same guy before … Remember, you went out with him a few times last year? He broke your heart and left you wondering what you could have done differently.

Click to See How to Train A Toad

I know, I know – not the exact same guy – but the same Toad Variety nonetheless.

Remember the guy last year who enchanted you online, and who made you swoon? You thought you were head-over-heels in love, but you couldn’t get him to commit to even seeing you two nights in the same week? Do you remember how frustrated you were, and how long you moped when he just sort of vanished from your life?

My wish for you … since you can’t train a toad … change your own behaviors. You, my friend, are strong, lovely and wonderful. You deserve to meet Prince Charming, so please stop answering the Toad Mating Calls.

Set some dating rules for yourself as you meet all of these wonderful specimens from the Toad Kingdom. Here you go; I’ll get you started …

Rule #1: I will not accept last minute invitations for Friday Nights.

Rule #2: If I don’t have plans for Friday by Wednesday, I will ask a gal pal for a Friday Night Girls’ Night Out.

Rule #3: If I meet a guy who makes me feel like I am chasing him, I will move on and accept that he is at best just a frog but perhaps even a vile, warty toad.

Rule #4 … Alrighty, citizens of the Toad Kingdom, Let’s hear what you’ve got! Give me some rules. Post them in the comments below, and help my girlfriend out!

Loving Regards,

Heidi Lee

P.S. May I share something that I am celebrating? EHarmony recently published an article that was inspired by you, Dear Friends, in the Toad Kingdom. I’d love your feedback on Creating Your Stationery … as we know posting photos within your Party Invitation.
 
 
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February Toad Of The Month

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Valentines Day Warning

Dear Citizens of the Toad Kingdom, I must give you special warning as we enter the Month of Love – February.

This is the month where this Toad finds an abundance of Hosts, and the hopelessly lovelorn fall prey to infestation.

Beware Valentines - February Toad Of The Month!

Species Name: Don Juanis Debonairus

  • Common Name: Romantic Intruder
  • Species Description: Apparent wounded soul with a poetic croak, Debonairus is sultry and emotional. He lures potential hosts with promises yet unfulfilled – committing to monogamy when initially entranced - but ultimately elusive to deep or true connection.
  • Mating Calls: Truly, Mon Cherie, how misunderstood I feel. My sensitivity is so often mistaken for romantic manipulation. All I want is to be loved, and to feel the exhilaration of loving you deeply, wholely, completely. You’ve taken my heart captive – be gentle.
  • Habitat and Distribution: Drawn to athletic fields and hockey rinks, the most dashing species is found nearby the preferred host Soccer Mom environment …
  • Distinguishing Characteristics: Commonly mistaken for a smoother frog rather than true toad, his warts cover his tongue rather than his outer flesh. The slicker touch of his skin acts as a natural aphrodisiac. Robust croaks – seeming to originate in the lower belly – actually flow naturally and without second thought.
  • Symptoms of Infestation: Lulled into a hypnotic state, victims of the Romantic Intruder fall curse to the lapping from a rolling tongue that carries a strain of warts for which no cure has been found. Immediate isolation is required when symptoms are recognized, and the victim suffers chronically when infected. Unlike the poison from Freeloader Toad that leaves a bitter anger, when the host is rescued from Debonairus, she is left with remniscent thoughts of what might have been – the effects of the poison so powerful that as a victim, one truly never admits to being infested.

Friends, I beg you … Heed my warning, and please feel free to share your own experiences with this foul little critter. We, the Citizens of the Toad Kingdom need this knowledge! (Share with your Twitter Firends too … Help them out!)

Warmest Regards

Heidi Lee

Want help avoiding this nasty little Toad online?

Get your Free Copy of my book – Click Below

How to Toad Proof your Online Dating Profile

P.S. I’m hoping for a wedding invite from the yet unmarried. I’ll keep you informed!

 

 

Online Dating Trap – Email Enchantment

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Online Dating? Have you been emailing with a wonderful man on that Online Dating Site this week?

Are you particularly drawn in by the conversation? Think you may have just met the man of your dreams?

Hold on, dear friend, you haven’t even met this person yet.

Give me the next 2.37 minutes of your day to let me warn you about Email Enchantment – a very dangerous Toad Trap that exposes your weaknesses – disarming you with your own charms.

Email is the perfect exchange for casual conversation to help you get to know your potential suitors. A few exchanges can show you enough about the other person to decide if you want to move to the next step – a cup of coffee.

However, email very easily becomes intimate and revealing. I’m the first to admit guilt in this one – I’ve done it. I’ve opened up in email and said too much about my hopes and dreams.  I mistook the email exchange for a true romantic connection.

January Toad

When someone on the other end of the World Wide Web encourages us with phrases like; I understand … or, That must have been so hard for you … we are inspired to open our hearts and continue sharing.

And the Toad continues to encourage with If only we were together now I would pull you into my arms …

Now you’re hooked, right? And ready to give this person your world without another thought.

Dear one, this is very dangerous. At the very least, you will likely be disappointed when the man can not live up to the fantasy image you’ve created. Worst case, though … that nasty Toad heard your Mating Call. You are at risk now for Toad Infestation …

Do you see the trap?

When we reveal too much in an email – without knowing the other person – we are really only speaking to ourselves. Therefore, we are really learning how to love who we have become. But – because we are hitting the Send button in our Online Dating Email Account, we are sending our vulnerabilities out into the universe.

Well, wonderful, Heidi Lee. You’re a real bundle of Joy! Thanks.

Alright, I know. I hate to crush the romance. So will you allow me to tell you how to avoid this Toad Trap?

Simple rule of thumb … If you wouldn’t say this to a stranger in the street, don’t hit the Send button.

Write it - yes. Save it to a file or a personal journal – perfect. But do not share that openess with a stranger on the Online Dating Site.

If you start to feel a connection where you are tempted to share – that is the time to move to the next step and meet at a coffee shop.

Make sense?

Friends and fellow Toad Kissers, I’m curious. Have any of you already fallen into this trap while Online Dating? Would you share your story with the Toad Kingdom below?

Kind Regards,

Heidi Lee

Get your Free Copy of my book – Click Below

How to Toad Proof your Online Dating Profile

P.S. I’m hoping for a wedding invite from the yet unmarried. I’ll keep you informed!

 

 

Online Dating: Dental Hygienist Approved

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Online Dating?

This just in … Four in six dental hygienists approve online dating to improve your smile!

What’s that you say, Heidi Lee? However do you come across such a bizarre statistic?

Great question, my Dear Citizens of the Toad Kingdom.

This month, as I continue to merge my life with my Prince Charming – post marital bliss – I changed over to his dentist. And of course, all of the ladies there adore him. He has the best smile.

When I went in for my cleaning, I was the big news. My newly married 46 year old man had been charming the toothbrushes from these ladies for over a decade. One of the ladies got up the nerve to ask me … “Heidi Lee, How did you hook him?”

When I replied that I met my wonderful Prince through Online Dating, the stories started to roll – the ladies became the big news. I think we actually did more gabbing than cleaning, but I learned that of these wonderful hygienists – 4 out of 6 were Citizens of the Toad Kingdom. And the best news is the stats for these four citizens …

Check this Out!

  • 2 of the 4 married from an Online Relationship. 50% Married Prince Charming
  • 1 of the 4 is engaged from and Online Relationship. 25% About to Marry Prince Charming
  • 1 of the 4 still in the Toad Kingdom and regaling the others with her stories. 25% that we can live vicariously through

How is that for a testimonial? The best thing about it – married, engaged or single – we all had beaming smiles by the end of my visit.

Loving Regards and Giant Smiles,

Heidi Lee

Get your Free Copy of my book – Click Below

How to Toad Proof your Online Dating Profile

PS … I’m hoping for a wedding invite from the yet unmarried. I’ll keep you informed!

Online Dating Profile: Celebrity Toad Newt Gingrich

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Warning, ladies! Should you see this Online Dating Profile out in the Toad Kingdom, run! I have it from experts that Newt clearly belongs in the Swamp!

Screen Name: The Eye of Newt

Author, Documentary Film Maker, Politician and moral leader, I’ll share my spotlight if you catch my eye!

Hot-air ballooning across the country – we would travel every state together absorbing the local culture. Our arrival would be the headlines of the week, and crowds would come out to greet us. And I’ll bring extra men along to hurl their bodies between us and the adoring fans throwing themselves at our feet.

When I’m lucky to have some down time, I’m a movie buff. I’m torn on my Favorite Movies: I have a real soft spot for Breakfast at Tiffany’s  – every time I watch it I’m inspired to run out and buy bobbles and trinkets, and I have a frequent buyers’ punch card loaded with points, ladies. Hint … Hint … My favorite How-To Movie: Hall Pass! I could sure teach Owen Wilson and his boys how to get that right.

Sound exciting? Great. Then let me add to the temptation and say that I am a firm believer in marriage – many times over.  I support the constitution of marriage, but I don’t throw stones if you’ve perhaps messed up a time or two. I’m hoping next time is a charm!

And I believe in Open Marriage … eh hem … I mean Open Communication. I realize that at my age finding a woman who has never been married will be challenging. I’m forgiving of your infidelities and trust that you will be compassionate with mine. Thank you in advance.

There’s no question that at times in my life, partially driven by the passion I feel for this country, things happend in my life that were not appropriate. I’m a giver – that’s me. And in the name of what I hold dear, I may mess up a few times in our path to love. But I’m just a guy … a guy with a heart … and a guy with an even bigger Tiffany’s credit limit.

Like what you see? Send me a note. Tell me where you would like to go first, and I’ll personally fill that balloon with hot air.